Week 2 of Separation and Divorce

Written By Laura Santiago

Like the writing in Week 1, this is a typed journal entry from back when I began my divorce process.



(written June 26, 2016)

Week 2

This is the week that the fog has kind of lifted and I’m not crying all day every day. In fact, I can’t because I’ll be attending a work conference where I need to interact with people and that feels impossible but somehow I get through it and actually am thankful that I have something to distract me from my personal life.

Each new experience produces new ideas and, frankly, while one of the scariest things about this process has been not knowing what was going to happen next or what life would look like post-divorce it is also, ironically, it is the thing that is most exciting and hopeful.

I feel a need to expand the network of people I know and expand my geographic reach after meeting so many new people from all around the country.

Luckily, living in Australia has done that but it’s part of the reason that I feel like to should also go back to school. Connecting with others in that way and developing my skillsets seem like a good way of accomplishing a few things at once. I often have thoughts like these throughout the day. There are so many possibilities I never had previously thought about because they were never an option in the context of my married and family life.

One of the highlights for me of attending the conference was socializing with people outside of the circle that my husband and I shared. He was quite a lot older than me and I felt I probably deferred to him many times in a professional setting. But here, on my own, I was able to be myself. I am surprised to learn I can be outgoing and hold my own with people in conversations. I’ve got interpersonal skills, go figure.

A happy coincidence of this conference is making a new friend named Michael. Much younger than me but very insightful. When I told him I had just said to my husband that I wanted a divorce this week he immediately chimes back with, ‘you’ll be fine, my mom got divorced with 6 kids and she always had an easy time finding a boyfriend.’ It was such a specific statement and it made me laugh (because dating was the last thing on my mind) but also felt reassuring that people do get through this and resume their lives. He’d witnessed this before and could see the other side. Michael was the same age as my son at the time his mother’s divorce happened so it was helpful as well to get that perspective and see that he appeared very well-adjusted despite it all.

A recurring theme for me during this time is meeting the right people at the exact right time just like with my lawyer.

It turns out the work conference was one of the highlights of my trip back home to California because it gave me a glimpse into what life COULD be like. I had been isolated for so long living and working with my husband that being put into this new environment showed me that there are parts of myself that I’m not even aware of yet.

There are other ways of doing things.

Keeping busy with work and finding purpose helps so much with providing perspective on my personal problems. It’s going to be a big key, I think, for getting me through the year.





Suggestions for Week 2:

You may not have coincidentally scheduled yourself to attend a national conference, but maybe there is some other event that you can go to in your vicinity. I like the idea of some professional event or something related to the future goals you have for yourself because it opens your eyes to opportunities. Do I think going to a random music festival or concert would do the job? It might be a good distraction, and I’m all for that, but there is something about creating a sense of purpose that will be especially uplifting right now. And something that gets you talking to other people. It can feel like you’re on an isolated island when you’re in the midst of a new divorce, others can help ground you and remind you there is life outside of those circumstances. Even better, you will likely run into someone who has gone through it and is now THRIVING. That’s the best. :)

Physical: keep going with exercise or activity to release the stress and clear your mind. I always needed this first thing in the morning to get that boost of endorphins to help me through the day. Also, respect if your body needs rest, a nap can be more healing than anything at this time.

Mental: If your brain is over-active like mine was, guided meditation was a good way of drowning out my thoughts. Because I would be focusing on someone else’s calm and reassuring voice rather than my own interior monologue of all the 1000 different scenarios that could happen in some imagined future. That is not helpful at all. The insight timer app was a good resource for me. Sometimes it would be just 3 minutes of beautiful singing while I breathed deeply and that was a good enough reset.

Emotional: You might be better able to hold it together around people but don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re still crying a lot. You’re mourning the life that you’re used to. Even if you know it could and should be better doesn’t mean that you don’t miss it.


Laura Santiago
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Week 3 of Separation and Divorce
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How to Manage the First Week of Separation and Divorce