Checklist for Record-Keeping During Divorce

This is a really big topic and one that I hope you spend a lot of time and care to do well because if you do the process can be so much easier. You will be shocked at the number of times you’ll be asked to pull up a document, or give an example of some action, or recall how much was spent during a specific period of time. Good record-keeping will help you confidently and accurately answer these questions in a way that will be nearly impossible to refute. Credibility goes a long way in family court so this is another way to strengthen your reputation.

It would be exceptional if you have already been doing some of these things, like the financial record-keeping, but there are also other new items you may not have considered as you separate that will pertain to the nature of your relationship.

During my divorce I kept three different types of records:

1.       Financial Documents

2.       Relational Documents

3.       Calendar of Contemporaneous Notes

WHAT DOCUMENTS SHOULD YOU HAVE ON HAND?

Below are a list of some of the things you’ll want to have easy access or photocopies and photos of (in the case of your spouse’s identification, etc.)

FINANCIAL DOCUMENTS

-          Bank statements

-          Tax Returns

-          Insurances

-          List of Assets

-          Master List of Accounts

-          Contracts Pertaining to Home/Residence

-          Utilities

-          Personal Belongings and their Specs

-          Businesses

-          PO Box Information

RELATIONAL DOCUMENTS

-          Marriage license

-          Divorce Decree

-          Driver’s License

-          Passports

-          Citizenship Documents

-          Resumes, CV’s, Business Cards

-          Birth Certificates

Where Should I Keep These Documents For My Divorce?

I always kept a file locked up in a bag with the hard copies AND scanned or took a photo and emailed them to myself in a specially created email address. One of the advantages of this was that, if I remembered to name the files and email subject well with a description of the document, I could easily search my account for the exact document I needed. Some documents have quite sensitive personal info so it may not be appropriate for everything but, you get the idea, find some secure online backup just in case.

CALENDAR of CONTEMPORANEOUS NOTES

The documents that you gather create a picture of the life that you had together but they don’t tell the whole story. The details like conversations, activities with the kids, and arguments that you might have, are all things that are so hard to convey in an unbiased way because our recall depends on the accuracy of our memories. One of the ways you can strengthen your position and give weight to the things you say is by writing them down as they happen.

I personally would keep a dated journal that shows a week over two pages and keep my schedule in there while adding little notes when I needed to about any conversations that were had. I would note the times I spent and he spent with the kids (much simpler to do in an already marked calendar) and then as a backup at the end of the week I would take a photo and send it to my nominated divorce email address with the subject line saying the dates of the journal.

The calendar was a great place for random observations and things I thought seemed odd and that I wanted to reference later in case they made sense in the long run. The insignificant things can sometimes become significant down the road.

The main thing is that you write anything down as soon as possible after it occurs.

Those Messages With Friends Could Help Jog Your Memory

Another resource for keeping a log of events is the chat messages with your friends. There were times when I didn’t have immediate access to my journal so instead, I might cover the topic with my friends in a chat and then write it down later so I could keep it in one place.

While it might seem burdensome to go out of your way to note down all of these things it will pay off in the long run when it comes to being totally prepared when you come to court to back up all of the things you say.

The Case Against Voice Recording

My own records involved writing things down and taking photos or scanning documents. It never once occurred to me to record any of our conversations or conflicts. Depending on what state you live in it could be considered illegal wiretapping (again, I’m not a lawyer) but it also just feels icky to do. And frankly, someone who has done a pre-meditated recording seems sneaky for thinking to do that. That’s not the vibe I was going for even if I would have gotten something useful on tape.

You will hear me say this over and over again- there are certain actions you can take that MAY help you but carrying them out would cause an even bigger burden on your mental and emotional health and so may not be worth it in the long run. Off the top of my head, secretly recording and spying on the other person is part of that. Same with this elaborate record-keeping, if it causes so much anxiety that your wellbeing is at stake, don’t stress too much about it. Do what you can and be at peace with that.