Dating Someone Who Just Got Divorced? Here Are Some Potential Red Flags

I write this because I have heard so many stories from friends and acquaintances that make me cringe. I say this information as someone who has been divorced and know what that process looks like. How someone comes out of it, I believe, says a lot about how their future relationships may fare.

Dating someone fresh out of a divorce can be tricky. While everyone’s timeline for moving on is different, some situations can indicate potential issues that could impact your relationship. If you’re interested in someone who recently ended their marriage, here are a few red flags to keep in mind—along with some exceptions that might make sense.

They’re Not Actually Divorced

Given that my own divorce took four years, this might sound hypocritical, but I’m mostly referring to people who haven’t made the effort to finalize their matters yet. This isn’t necessarily about lingering love for their ex, but it does raise questions about why they’re trying to move forward without closing the previous chapter and taking care of business.

The exception: If their former partner is dragging their feet or if there are complex matters at play, delays might be unavoidable. However, if they’ve been separated for 10 years and still haven’t finalized things, I’d question their ability to handle life’s responsibilities.

They’ve Been Separated for Only a Short Time

Valuable introspection happens at the end of a marriage. Even though I sensed something was wrong in my own relationship for nearly two years before it ended, actually going through the process was an entirely different experience. If someone jumps into a new relationship too soon, it’s worth questioning whether they can even be alone. Six months is not a long time. One year isn’t even that long. If someone is immediately ready to couple up after such a short period, it’s not a great look.

The exception: If their marriage had effectively ended long before the paperwork was filed (perhaps for financial or practical reasons) then a quicker transition might be more understandable.

They Have Very Young Children

By “young,” I mean under three years old. Those first years are incredibly formative, and as a parent, I know I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my child. When I first told my ex I wanted a split, I chose to stay separated under the same roof for a while so our daughter could still have access to both of us daily. Shared custody arrangements might allow for some free evenings, but let’s be real—raising a young child while managing work and personal responsibilities is exhausting.

The exception: If they genuinely have their life together and can fully dedicate their allotted time to their children while still managing work, life responsibilities, and a budding relationship, they might be an exception. But speaking from experience, it’s a huge challenge.

They Prioritize Time with You Over Their Children

As much as it might feel flattering to be prioritized, if a divorced parent is putting you above their kids, that’s a red flag. Their life stability (including their ability to care for their children and even pay child support) is directly tied to how they balance responsibilities. Prioritizing you over their children can also look like including you in their kids’ time way too early.

At first, this might seem like, “Oh, I’m so important to them that they want me to meet their kids already.” But if this happens too soon, it’s likely not about you—it’s about them fulfilling their own emotional needs. A responsible parent knows that their children’s well-being and stability should come first before jumping into a new relationship.

The exception: If they have older children who are already self-sufficient and well-adjusted, they might have more flexibility. But for younger kids, caution is warranted.

They Have No Idea Why the Marriage Ended

Most people recognize that bad-mouthing an ex is a red flag, but someone doesn’t have to be outright disrespectful to raise concerns. If they have no clue why their marriage ended or weren’t observant enough to see the signs, that suggests a lack of emotional awareness. If they can’t articulate what went wrong or haven’t tried to figure it out, they might just be looking for companionship rather than a meaningful relationship.

The exception: There isn’t really one. Even if someone’s assessment of their failed marriage is incorrect, the fact that they’ve at least tried to make sense of what happened is better than someone who just shrugs and says, “I don’t know” or “I like to leave the past in the past.” If they aren’t interested in reflecting on the past, they’re unlikely to build something healthy in the future.

They Haven’t Reflected on Their Own Role in the Breakup

If you asked me why my marriage ended, I’d tell you honestly: I was too young when I entered the relationship and didn’t fully grasp the implications of a large age gap. I was looking for emotional security and financial stability, someone I could learn from. I didn’t consider whether my partner could meet my emotional needs—I assumed I could handle that myself. I was wrong.

No matter how difficult or terrible an ex might be, everyone plays some role in the end of a relationship. Whether it was tolerating unacceptable treatment or viewing marriage as a fairytale rather than the ongoing work it actually is, there’s always something to learn.

The exception: There isn’t one. If someone hasn’t taken the time to reflect on what they could have done differently, they’re unlikely to be ready for a meaningful partnership. They might be fine if all you want is someone to co-exist with, but don’t expect much emotional depth. At best this is someone who lacks emotional depth, at worse this is someone who is playing the victim by not recognizing their part.

Final Thoughts

Dating someone who’s recently divorced isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but it does come with some unique challenges. If you find yourself drawn to someone in this situation, take a step back and evaluate whether they’re truly ready for a relationship or if they’re just trying to fill a void. While some exceptions exist, these red flags are worth considering before getting too emotionally invested.

If you’re unsure, take it extremely slow, push back on any insistence to move faster, and go ahead living your life. Things have a way of revealing themselves.

At the end of the day, a healthy relationship requires two people who have done the work to understand their past and are emotionally available for the future. If they haven’t, you might just be setting yourself up for unnecessary heartache.