Why ‘Giving Things a Chance’ May Not Be the Best Strategy in Dating

You’ve probably heard the advice before: don’t judge a book by its cover. While this is solid wisdom in many areas of life, it’s not always the best approach when it comes to dating. In fact, giving someone the benefit of the doubt or consistently “keeping an open mind” can sometimes lead you to ignore your instincts and dismiss your own wants and needs. Not to mention it can be draining to be constantly extending yourself for people you don’t really click with. Depending on your goals in a romantic relationship, this strategy could be setting you up for unnecessary heartbreak and wasted energy.

Trust Your Instincts

There’s a reason your gut feelings exist. They are your subconscious mind picking up on subtle cues that your logical mind might not yet fully understand. When something feels off, that’s often reason enough to pause. Your instincts are like a built-in warning system, and ignoring them can lead to situations where you later find yourself wondering why you didn’t trust yourself from the beginning.

For example, jumping into a relationship and overlooking clear incompatibilities might seem harmless at first. But if you’re someone who gets attached quickly, you may find yourself emotionally invested in someone who isn’t right for you. Suddenly, you’re at home crying because someone who was inconsistent or inattentive broke your heart — even though your instincts told you early on that something wasn’t right.

The Fine Line Between Being Picky and Knowing What You Want

Are you being too picky, or are you simply unwilling to compromise on your core values and needs? This is an important question to ask yourself. Compromise is an essential part of any long-term relationship, but it should only happen in areas where you’re willing to bend. For example, would you prefer white linens for your bedding? Sure, but if your partner has a practical reason for preferring something else, that’s a compromise worth considering. However, compromise should never mean sacrificing things that are deeply important to you, like shared values or emotional connection.

When you give someone a chance who clearly isn’t right for you, it’s easy to find yourself attached to the wrong person. This attachment can lead to inevitable heartbreak because they simply can’t show up for you in the way you need — not out of malice, but because of fundamental incompatibility.

Energy is Finite

We all have limited time and emotional energy, and investing them in a relationship you know isn’t right can be draining. Think about how much more fulfilling it would be to reserve that energy for yourself or for someone who aligns with your values and goals. Dating isn’t about filling a void or giving everyone a shot. It’s about intentionally seeking out connections that uplift and support you.

Friendship First is a Safer Way to “Give It a Chance”

If you’re still inclined to “give someone a chance,” consider suggesting friendship first. This takes the pressure off and allows you to learn about the person in a low-stakes way. If they’re unwilling to pursue a platonic connection first, that might be a red flag. After all, if they only want to be in your life when romance is on the table, are they truly interested in you as a person?

If You Don’t See What’s Great About Them, Let Them Go

I often tell my readers: if someone doesn’t see what’s great about you, don’t choose them.

The reverse is also true.

If you have to force yourself to see what’s great about someone, or if you feel like you’re settling, it’s not fair to either of you. Release them and allow both of you the chance to find partners who feel truly excited and fulfilled by the connection.

A healthy relationship is built on mutual admiration and compatibility, not a sense of obligation or a fear of being alone. Forcing something that doesn’t feel right can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction on both sides.

Preferring Toxic Dynamics Over a Calm Relationship May Signal Unresolved Healing

You may be introduced to someone who is by all accounts a great person. If you find that kind of relationship boring think that you should stick with it anyway, there’s a good chance that might not be enough. It may indicate that there’s something else happening with you.

If you find yourself repeatedly drawn to unhealthy or toxic relationships, it might be a sign that you have some inner healing to do. Supportive, loving, and thoughtful relationships might not feel “exciting” if you’re used to chaos or drama. Taking time to understand your patterns and motivations can help you break free from these cycles and open the door to healthier connections.

Conclusion

While it’s important to remain open-minded in some areas of life, “giving things a chance” isn’t always the best strategy in dating. Your instincts, energy, and emotional well-being are valuable resources, and it’s crucial to protect them. By trusting yourself, knowing your non-negotiables, and being intentional with your choices, you can create space for a relationship that truly fulfills you.

Remember, dating isn’t about proving your worth or fixing someone else; it’s about finding a partner who complements your life and supports your journey.