What To Do When You’re Feeling Unsettled

One of the hardest parts about feeling unsettled is that it often doesn’t come with an obvious “why.” The discomfort creeps in, and your first instinct might be to solve it immediately—scouring your thoughts, journaling furiously, or reading every self-help article in sight. Trust me, I’ve been there.

What I’ve come to learn is that this approach can sometimes make things worse, pulling you into an endless loop of trying to fix something before you even know what’s asking for your attention.

If you’re feeling this way, I want to offer a different perspective—one that has helped me during my own unsettled moments. Here’s what I’ve learned to do when life feels a little off balance

Four Things You Can Do When You’re Unsettled

Step 1: Pause and Feel Your Feelings

I know this might sound counterintuitive—especially if you’re like I used to be and the very idea of sitting with your feelings makes you want to run the other way. But often, that resistance is a sign that it’s exactly what you need to do.

Take a moment to stop, breathe, and really allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up. If this feels overwhelming or too difficult to face alone, consider reaching out to a trusted mental health professional. There’s no shame in needing support, and they can help you experience this process in a safe and guided way.

Step 2: Learn to Coexist with the Discomfort

Once you’ve given yourself permission to feel, the next step is learning to live alongside the discomfort. One practice that has been transformative for me is rooted in radical acceptance.

There’s an exercise from a book called Make Miracles in 40 Days, authored by Melody Beattie, that involves writing down three things that are bothering you and simply expressing gratitude for them daily for 40 days. It sounds strange, I know. The key isn’t to look for a silver lining or force yourself to find the “good” in the situation. Instead, it’s about acknowledging what is.

For example, you might write, “I’m thankful that my allergies are flaring up today.”

This practice doesn’t apply to everything, especially deeply traumatic experiences (for example the author doesn’t suggest you should write that you’re thankful for something like the passing of a relative, but you can write that you’re thankful for the feelings of grief you have). If this sounds like something you want to try, I highly suggest reading the book and fully understanding the process. It can help you shift your mindset.

Gratitude for even the challenging parts of life allows you to live in the present moment rather than constantly being in fight or flight in an effort to avoid discomfort.

Step 3: Imagine What Your Heart Truly Wants

Once you’ve interrupted the frantic “fix-it” cycle, take some time to reconnect with your dreams and desires. Set aside your current circumstances for a moment and ask yourself: What would I want if anything were possible?

I often tell my own experience in doing this because it was so powerful for me. When I was just six weeks postpartum with my daughter, I felt a restless energy I couldn’t quite place. I ended up making a vision board for the first time, choosing images and words that resonated with me—even if I didn’t fully understand why. Years later, I found that vision board tucked away, and I was stunned by how much it resembled the life I was living after my divorce.

The lesson? When you quiet your mind and listen to your heart, you’ll often discover a deeper truth about who you are and what you want.

Step 4: Stay in Touch with Your True Self

Engaging with yourself—your hopes, your quirks, your preferences—isn’t a one-time exercise. It’s an ongoing practice. Pay attention to the small decisions you make every day. Why do you choose the foods you buy, the clothes you wear, or the way you spend your time? Are these habits that align with who you are, or are they things you’ve absorbed from others along the way?

This kind of self-awareness can help you make more intentional choices, big and small, that reflect the person you truly are.

Compassion and Care Is an Important Part of the Process

Above all, be kind to yourself. There’s no set timeline for “figuring it all out,” and honestly, you never really finish. Life is an ongoing process of discovery, growth, and change. Feeling unsettled doesn’t mean you’re failing; it’s often a signal that something important is asking for your attention.

By pausing, accepting, imagining, and staying connected, you may find that the unsettled feeling is less about solving a problem and more about rediscovering yourself. And once you do, you’ll never be able to ignore that voice within you again—and that’s a good thing. It’s the start of living a life that truly feels like your own.