10 Best Things About Being a Single Mother

I usually only admit this to other single parents, but I hold a lot back when it comes to the benefits of being a solo parent.

I mostly don’t wish to make my married friends feel as though they’re missing out. And of course, being a single parent has its rough moments (which I’ll address in a blog post about the challenges) but there are several ways in which my life is easier and more enjoyable.

The weekends off, traveling by myself…these tend to be uniquely single activities.

Compared to being married, I’ve found single parenthood to be easier. This is completely relative to how dissatisfactory my married life was.

In another post I write about having been a ‘married single mother’ which was essentially the worst of both worlds- I made A LOT of compromises and was also burdened with most of the child rearing. At least being an officially single mother afforded me more freedoms.

Here, I don’t intend to brag or show off some incredible life I’ve created for myself. I don’t even necessarily advocate for being a single parent- it happened to be the right choice for me.

What I do hope to highlight here are some of the silver linings for anyone who might have fears about what life could look like. If you know in your heart that a split is imminent, please don’t let your fears about being a single parent dissuade you.

And I feel like I say this in most of my writings, but I acknowledge that these are my circumstances, and they may differ from yours. We each have privileges and disadvantages that impact us- some more dramatically than others. For example, it’s a privilege to have a reliable co-parent, whereas it might be a disadvantage of mine to not have any other family nearby.

In that spirit, here are some of the best things that have come out of my experience:

1. I’ve got a reliable babysitter in my co-parent
I can plan my schedule far in the future based on what known days I will or won’t have the kids. If there is a concert, event or function I want to go to I can look at my calendar and see whether I have the kids or not that weekend. If I don’t have them, I go ahead and book. If I am scheduled to have them I message their dad and ask if we can switch a day to accommodate. For as much as we weren’t a fit in marriage, we’re oddly functional co-parents and I’m super thankful for that.

2. I don’t have to compromise so much

In my view, if a child grows up in two different households, they get a glimpse of different types of lives they could lead and then make their choice about what suits them when they grow up. In my married life there was a single decision-maker and it wasn’t me.

Now, I get to decide how to run my own household when the kids are with me. I’ve created a life that reflects the things that are important to me, and I think (and hope) that my kids have noticed.

3. My time belongs to me
I used to feel scrutinized for how I spent my time, as though if I wasn’t ‘busy’ I wasn’t properly contributing to the household. If you’ve been with someone who thinks this way, good luck getting any proper rest without guilt. I now recognize that rest is an integral part of my ability to perform and maintain my health.

In addition to that, when my children are with their other parent, I get the rare opportunity to manage my time entirely on my terms. Whether it’s work, rest, or fun, this alone time is something I truly value.

4. I get to set up my home the way that I want it
I thoroughly enjoy being able to control what is displayed in my home without having to contend with another person’s items. The exception to this is the kids’ room, where I give them the choice to have the décor they want. I like them to feel like they have their own space and it’s not part of the home that I use so this is fine.

I feel best in an uncluttered environment, almost like a hotel living situation. I have full control over my home environment, which means I can decorate, organize, and arrange things exactly how I like. It’s a small but important freedom that brings me joy.

5. Not having to make dinner every night
Co-parenting often means I have nights where I don’t need to cook. I can enjoy a night off from the kitchen, eat something simple, or treat myself to takeout, guilt-free.

Cooking dinner every night falls under the category of chores that I would do solely because of the influence of another person. It’s not something that’s important to me, per se. I’m the kind of person who could be happy eating a bowl of cold cereal for dinner.

6. Getting full credit for the magic I create in the kids’ lives
When you’re married, being the creative parent might mean each birthday or celebration feels like a group assignment that other person gets credit for, but you were the one who actually did all of the work.

I can make decisions now about what and how we celebrate. I can put as little or as much effort as I want. I don’t need credit for any of these things, I’m simply saying it’s satisfying to know that our kids can more clearly see what parts of their lives are my contribution. It helps them draw that contrast between households.

7. Not getting caught up on dating or centering another person
In the past I may have made a potential romantic partner the center of my universe, but that’s not the case anymore. Part of this is because I’ve outgrown that kind of thinking as I’ve become more self-assured. And part of it is because there isn’t a person I would ever put before the interests and well-being of my children. It’s that simple, like a safeguard for me.

Dating as a single mom comes with built-in boundaries. My time is precious, and having kids gives me a legitimate reason to set limits and not always be available. It helps create a natural balance that I may not have had before.

8. When I want to travel, I don’t need to take the kids
Co-parenting allows for easy solo trips. I know that they need to spend time with their other parent, so I find ways to use my time when they aren’t in my care. I can recharge on my own, guilt-free, while the kids enjoy time with their dad.

Aside from having the solitude, I’m only having to pay for a single plane ticket for myself rather than multiplying that number by three. My own travel has become so much less expensive because I’m not required to take them every time.

9. It has forced me to become comfortable making decisions
If I’m being honest, I was probably in the relationship I was in because I was fearful of being the one to make all the decisions. I doubted my own ability to figure out life by myself. Eventually I started to question the decisions of my partner and that was when things started to take a turn. I was uncomfortable having decisions made for me by someone I no longer saw as an adequate leader. I felt like I could play that role better.

Being the primary decision-maker has pushed me to trust my instincts and take charge of both big and small decisions without second-guessing myself. This confidence has been empowering.

10. It has forced me to admit that I need help and learn to accept it
I’ve always had a stubborn streak when it comes to figuring out how to do things myself. I was so humbled by life when my divorce went down. The most glaring and valuable lesson I learned in the early days was that I couldn’t and shouldn’t do everything by myself.

The irony being that I’m the kind of person who will go out of their way to help others, and yet I was very resistant to accepting help. I can squarely say this no longer describes me.

Being a single parent has made me realize the importance of support, and I’ve learned to reach out and accept help when I need it.

Conclusion
Being a single mother has afforded me many more opportunities to live life on my own terms. Again, I don’t think these reasons will push someone who is in a workable relationship to split, but I do hope it calms the fears someone might have about leaving an unhealthy relationship.