Getting Ready for the First Family Court Appearance

Going to court is intimidating. You may have lots of nerves before the first appearance but being prepared for the things you can control can help minimize the anxiety around this and also put you in a good light in front of a judge. Your appearance, promptness, and preparedness will strongly demonstrate how seriously you are taking your case, especially if there are children involved.

I had to appear in court for the first time over a travel ban on the kids.

Technically it’s called an emergency PACE alert, which would essentially keep them from leaving Australia and presumably prevent a ‘kidnapping’ by either parent to another country.

Now, keep in mind this was 2016 and the idea of a travel ban was big news in the US because of the overnight decision by then President Trump’s government to keep out citizens of certain countries. This was in no way related to that but it was such a newsworthy feature and it felt to be absurd to be caught up in something similar.

This wasn’t totally unforeseen and I saw it as a precaution by my ex-husband that any lawyer would have advised him to do.

So, I was appearing in court for the first time to see if the judge would continue the travel ban past the emergency status. I had planned what I was going to wear, found a bag I liked that I would carry with me at every court appearance, and had already thought about what I would say in front of a judge. My position was that it wasn’t necessary to have the ban (I knew that I wouldn’t be kidnapping anyone).

By chance, the lawyer that I had chosen to act on my behalf would be away on a much-deserved holiday during this time but she assured me this appearance would be simple.

There was a nervousness walking into the courthouse, having to go through security, finding the correct floor, riding the lift with various solicitors. All of these things are normal to them but most of us won’t experience this more than a few times in life. I noticed the kids’ father on the other side of the building huddled with his lawyers and it felt odd, especially since we had both driven the 20 minutes from the same marital home separately to get to the courthouse.

I was minding my own business and taking it all in when his lawyer came over and introduced herself. I was utterly confused by what she was doing. She spoke in a very friendly and caring manner to me and explained what was going to happen when we got into court. She must have seen me there all alone and had pity, maybe she didn’t even think I spoke English, I dunno. Whatever was happening it seemed completely unprofessional or underhanded. I’m not sure which scenario would have been worse.

Minutes later we were in court in front of a judge and I was standing there by myself. I think the single thing I said was that I didn’t agree with the PACE alert. The judge said she would still uphold it and I appreciated that she also made an effort to clarify that it wasn’t because there was any prejudice against me or that I had done something wrong but that it was in the best interest of a matter like this.

And that was it, my first court appearance under my belt.

WHAT YOU CAN DO BEFORE YOU GO TO COURT FOR THE FIRST TIME

FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR TO FAMILY COURT

How do you want to present yourself to the court? The clothes you choose to wear can say a lot about your intentions, even if the message is inaccurate. For example, showing up in very casual attire might signal to someone that you haven’t tried or aren’t taking the matter seriously. On the other side of the coin, if you are wearing something completely formal and it makes you feel or appear stiff it might convey the unintended message that you aren’t being yourself and are putting on a show.

In my own research I discovered that blue is the color of trustworthiness and so I incorporated that into my attire. But ultimately, it came down to what I felt my most presentable self would look like. I was a single mother trying to start a new and separate professional life after being in the home working in the family business for years. The message that I wanted to convey was the untapped potential of someone who could excel in professional life but had be relegated to rearing children. To achieve this my perfect uniform was a neutral floral pattern work top (to evoke the softness of a mother) and blue slacks (a more professional reference.) I also chose a polished computer backpack, which again evokes that feeling of being ‘in-between.’ It was hands free so that I could tend to my toddler but also something that a young professional would carry.

Think about the message you are trying to convey and work from there. You can walk in the courtroom confidently that you have been extremely intentional in the overall impression you are aiming to make.

FIND OUT EXACTLY HOW LONG IT TAKES TO GET TO FAMILY COURT AND BUILD-IN EXTRA TRAVEL TIME

It could be a good idea to visit the courthouse before your actual court date. If the courthouse is close enough you might want to do a quick drive and figure out the parking situation or figure out how you will get there by public transport. It would be unfortunate to encounter bad traffic on the day, but if anything unforeseen happens at least you will have given yourself the best chance. Keep in mind that getting to the court house is only part of the equation, you’ll also have to navigate the inside of the building and figure out where your matter will be heard. Maybe your nerves will require you eat or drink coffee beforehand. Or maybe you need to use the restroom. Think about all of these little things you may need to tend to and build that into your travel schedule. So, basically, leave a lot of extra time to get to where you need to be.

KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN ON THE DAY OF YOUR COURT APPEARANCE

You may be waiting around for hours to finally get seen in the court room but once you’re in there you’ll be surprised at how quickly it goes. Be prepared with any information you might need to produce. Your solicitor probably has a handle on everything but just make sure to go over everything with them. Afterall, yours is probably not the only case they have going at the time, perhaps not even on the day. You ultimately need to be the expert on the facts of your case so you can provide reminders and ask any questions if you need. If you are required to fill out paperwork ready make sure everything is clear ahead of time.

BONUS: AFTER YOUR COURT APPEARANCE KNOW WHAT THE IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS ARE

After the appearance, get a quick debrief from your lawyer about how it went. Despite my solo first appearance, I was fortunate enough to have my lawyer acting on my behalf every time afterward. She had to translate the language of what was happening, there’s a whole world of subtext that happens within that courtroom all for the purposes of not wasting a judge’s time

If you are sentient human being you will likely have some nerves going into your first court appearance. Having as much as possible organized ahead of time will help relieve some of that stress.