New Family Traditions After Divorce
I know some people have a hard time with the idea of losing their nuclear family after a divorce and the traditions that come with it.
For those of you who are having a hard time letting go of what your ‘picture perfect’ family life looked like, I hope one day you get to the point where you can acknowledge that how a family looks is not nearly as important as how a family functions.
The fact that you may not be a traditional family unit anymore doesn’t mean that you cannot start your own new traditions with the kids. In fact, in many ways this can be more meaningful as you put thought into the activities and holidays that bring you so much joy together. Leave all the extra (planning and work) to the wayside and focus on the things that make the biggest difference.
I played the role of housewife for many years but when I opted out of that situation I knew that I would never again be the homemaker in that sense. My goals were around ensuring the kids and I were emotionally well and had our basic needs looked after. I wasn’t trying to get a ton of extra credit by making the most amazing bento lunch boxes or throwing the best birthday parties. No shade to those who genuinely enjoy and feel they get to express themselves through these endeavors. That was not me.
Here’s how I chose to deal with holidays and traditions as I moved away from being the homemaker:
What Holidays and Traditions Have You Always Loved?
Yes, you may celebrate ALL the holidays, but which ones were the ones that were extra special? When my kids were younger I always made their Halloween costumes. I’d ask what they wanted to be a couple of months in advance and make that wish a reality. It was a creative project for me, and it was so cute to see them use their imagination and take on the part.
Post-divorce I still love the holiday and found a new way to make it unique to us now. I honestly order costumes now or find items from the op shop that will do the job and then book us tickets to the Halloween event at our local amusement park. We’ve done this for years and often it’s not even on the actual Halloween evening.
No matter what day Halloween is they go to their dad, and he takes them Trick-or-Treating because between me and him he’s the one who’s better at getting free stuff and candy. I also don’t care to tag along in the neighborhoods, so this works out perfectly to share this particular holiday.
How Can You Commemorate the Other Days in Meaningful but Smaller Ways?
Moving into a smaller place means I have much less storage for décor. There are endless ways to decorate for holidays like Christmas or Easter, but I don’t have the room to accommodate that. Instead, I’ll take the kids to look at Christmas lights in the city, maybe I’ll hang a wreath up on our front door (they have them for virtually every holiday.)
On Valentine’s Day I normally buy my kids a little chocolate tin and some flowers. My daughter now expects flowers every year and I like to think I’m keeping her standards high.
Little things do mean a lot.
What Holidays Can You Let Go Of?
I’m not saying you need to abandon any holidays; I AM suggesting some are more hassle then they are worth and figuring out an alternative might suit you better.
The holiday that I tried to hold onto but eventually decided was too much work was unsurprisingly Thanksgiving. Especially living in Australia it’s so hard to find the convenience ingredients that you end up having to make every single thing from scratch (like the actual pilgrims! Lmao.) Besides, with the cost of groceries lately and the unnecessary amounts of food that no one could possibly finish it didn’t make a lot of sense for my new life.
My older son now has friends over and they all bring food like a potluck. There’s not a turkey in sight but it’s still the same idea of getting together which is nice so we keep that.
Not All Traditions Need to Be Holiday Centered
Traditions go well beyond the holidays and the little things you do together can leave lasting memories. Popping popcorn for a movie night once a month, making recipes passed down from previous generations, going on an annual family vacation. These are all traditions that you can start at any time.
Keep the Meaningful Stuff, Leave the Rest
I know this is a divorce blog post, but I think a lot of people could use this advice when it comes to observing holidays and traditions. When you are a single parent you find all kinds of ways to simplify your life because you only have so many hours in a day and often not a lot of help. But if you’re reading this, maybe share this with your overwhelmed homemaker friends to help them maintain a sense of sanity and prevent burnout.
Another angle on this topic that I touch upon in a separate blog post is what to do about sharing the kids and having separate celebrations from your ex-partner. So have a read of that blog post if you want additional tips.
Happy Celebrating!