Practical Advice for Starting a New Career After Divorce
Maybe you left a great career or maybe you started family before you had time to fully immerse yourself into the work force. Divorce is a very common time for women specially to embark on a new career path. It’s not a surprise, so much is changing during this time and you may be learning more about yourself and things that you would like to change in your life.
What I Wish I Had Known Before Marriage
When I was going through divorce my mom confided to me that as a career woman she was always concerned for the arrangement I had when I was married.
I had gotten married right after graduating from college, a week after I turned 22. There was a downturn in the economy at that time and it made the most practical sense to work with my husband in his consulting firm.
While this was a convenient arrangement, I know now that we should have discussed more (i.e., I should have advocated for a contingency plan for myself if I was going to work in the family business with an informal agreement) in case something happened.
It’s true that I had built up plenty of life experience during the 12 years that we were together but I sacrificed my ability to build up a resume that I could easily translate into other work should I decide to go back into the workforce. Afterall, were they going to call my ex as one of my references?
My mom said that she and her friends at work used to talk about their daughters with concern, especially the ones who decided to stay at home and not have a career because they were leaving themselves completely vulnerable should a death, divorce, or disability happen to their spouse. That’s not to say this arrangement would never work, but I do think it requires a lot more planning and respect for each person’s contribution.
And I don’t mean respect, like saying ‘good job,’ I mean allocating money toward the spouse who decides to stay at home, so they have their own funds as well. But this is my take.
Anyway, these are things that we only really learn after we’ve made these mistakes but it’s something I would tactfully bring up with any of my friends or relatives that I cared about.
You Can Start Over If You Need To
You can see I made some (more than some) mistakes along the way but what I can tell you is that there is always a chance to start over again whenever you need to. In fact, figuring out how to create the life and career you always wanted is so confidence-building. It won’t always be the easiest but trusting that you have what it takes to make it happen is more than half the battle.
Figuring Out What You Want to Do When You Grow Up
I don’t care if you’re going through divorce at 25, 45, or 55…you still might be wondering what to do when you grow up, so to speak.
When I was getting a divorce I had the means to focus on the kids but knew in the back of my mind that I’d need to find work eventually.
There was a very unlikely set of events that brought me to the path I am now as a copywriter.
One day, when I was at a doctor’s appointment for my daughter there was a huge wait as we were at the big public hospital. I had been reading a book on the Law of Attraction and one of the practices it asks you to do I how to raise your vibration when you are feeling annoyed or feeling low vibes. It suggests you take a moment to pause the feeling of annoyance to seek out something about the situation that you do like.
I generally have a lot of patience but this 2-hour waiting room visit with a 2-year-old finally forced me to put this exercise into practice.
The first thing that came to my mind was that it was a random Monday, and I was able to bring my daughter to a doctor’s appointment. I was able to be present with her when she needed me. This was a part of my lifestyle that I wanted to preserve in any way that I could so from that moment I decided to become a freelance writer and eventually content consultant.
I set out to learn how to make this happen and got my first clients. After a couple of years, I went back to school to get my Masters in Marketing to better understand the messaging that I was providing for clients. I’m still on this journey and I’m happy I took those first steps.
This is, of course, the short version. But the following is what my process looked like.
A Career for a New Mindset
I don’t’ know if you have reached this point yet, but one of the greatest gifts to come from my divorce was to stop caring about what other people thought. When you’re in this state of mind you get to the fun questions like, “If you were to start all over, what would you do?”
If you are in the process of building a new, independent identity for yourself this could very well include a career change.
Impact of Starting a Job During the Divorce Process
One of the things I find so frustrating is that sometimes the move that will help better yourself in the long run goes against you when you are in the early stages of family court proceedings. Starting a new job or gaining employment is not always to your advantage when you are in the middle of divorce.
If you are wondering if you should get a job during your divorce because of the impact it might have on the settlement or overall spousal support, make sure to talk to you attorney about whether this is a good idea or not.
Each state determines support differently, so you want to have an understanding before you make any life changes, particularly if you were a stay-at-home mom for the duration of your marriage.
Again, I really hate this part of divorce, where every move you make can be scrutinized.
And not everything is about money in my book. The thing that brings meaning into your life or relieves stress can sometimes be the right answer, not always which choice brings in the most money,
Where To Start When You Have Been Out of The Workforce Altogether
Self-Assessment
A good place to start is to figure out what you’re working with in the first place. When I was working with my ex-partner I was doing most of the business writing in our company so I had that experience and eventually went in that direction. In your case you might ask yourself:
- What skills do you have?
- What kind of schedule can you handle?
- Do you have kids to look after?
- Do you have older parents that you need to care for?
- Are there physical limitations including chronic illness that may need to be accommodated?
Being able to answer these will give you a baseline from which to work with so you can decide if you need to upskill or even find help with managing the different parts of your life.
How Do You Want Your Life to Look in the Long Run?
If you are not immediately stressed about money, finding a job that will support a life that you are trying to create is ideal. Understanding your values, how you want to live, your passions and interests, and the type of working environment that appeals to you is a good way of narrowing down your list.
Believe it or not, money is not always the most important factor for people when it comes to job satisfaction. There are many different motivational factors such as career advancement, service to others, and schedule flexibility that could be important to you.
How Much Do You Need to Make?
I’m not talking about how much you need to earn to own the house and dream car that you want. Since we’re taking one step at a time a good place to start is a job that will comfortably cover the expenses you have now. Looking at all your fixed expenses like utilities, car payments, rent, etc. will give you an idea of what salary you need to aim for. Also factor in taxes paid as a newly single person, retirement, and any additional savings.
Make a List of All the Possible Options You Have
You have an idea of what your current capabilities are, what your ideal employment situation looks like, how much you’ll need to earn in order to live comfortably right now. The next step is to evaluate these together and determine if there are other avenues to improve your position and broaden your possibilities.
Who Do You Know Who Works in The Field You Want?
Being social and getting into contact with people who you know that are in the industry you want to be a part of is a great foot in the door. Even if you do not personally know anyone, maybe your friends or acquaintances already do. Don’t be shy about mentioning your intention to people even just casually. You never know if someone might connect you to the right place.
Would it be helpful if you return to school?
This is the route I decided to take. I was not part of the work force and so the skills that I had were hard to justify on paper. But completing a recognized course can help prove that you do have relevant experience. Personally, I also had the added goal of expanding my social circle, see the previous paragraph above.
Starting Your Job Search
Anyone who has been looking for work recently knows that finding a job can be a full-time job in itself. Here are some basics for when you start your search.
Update Your Resume
If you can get your hands on some examples of resumes that people in your desired field have successfully used that’s great. If you have the means to work with a career coach and resume writer, that’s wonderful as well. There are all types of resources to help you showcase your skills in the best light.
Update Your LinkedIn Profile
I’ll be honest, I don’t love LinkedIn but it’s a necessary evil. Maybe my opinion on this will change one day. But it is a good way to widening your social circle and allowing people to find you without you having to actively reach out to everyone. If you have the right keywords in your profile you might just get found by a company that could be perfect for you.
Be Willing to Learn and Adapt
As you are diligently putting together your professional package and learning as much as you can, you might find new opportunities that you hadn’t even considered before. You might have your mind set on one company but discover that another is a perfect fit. Don’t be afraid to change your mind and take chances when different doors open.
Go In with the Right Mindset and Keep Your Head Up Through the Whole Process
Everything takes time, so be patient.
There might be dozens of hoops you need to go through between when you start and when you finally land that job you’ve been looking for.
Each piece of the process is a learning experience. I highly recommend finding a book or podcast that can keep your spirits up during this process because emotionally it can be hard to feel like you’re putting in so much work and not yet getting the results you had hoped for.
I remember when I was first starting out in freelance writing it took so long to get my first few jobs and then after that, when I had finally made some traction I was able to build a business of repeat clients.
Stay consistent in your efforts and they’ll be sure to pay off some time.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON STARTING A NEW CAREER AFTER DIVORCE
During this time of transition, embarking on a new identity and career might be one of the best things you can do for yourself. Whether you are completely new to the job market or wanting to change your existing career trajectory, know that it is possible to make that happen in your life. Leave behind whatever fears you might have about these changes and embrace the opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow.
Also at the top of your list while you’re on the job hunt should be your own well-being. To find some tips on how to care for your mental health during this time of transition be sure to read this past blog post on how to look after your emotional well-being during divorce if you haven’t checked it out yet.