The Art of Staying Connected: How to Keep Friendships Thriving
There’s a phenomenon that happens when your close friend starts to have their own family. When their first child comes along I always wait to see what kind of parent they become. There are ones who continue to show up as they always have, but with a little baby in tow. And then there are those that seem to get swallowed up by the experience and disappear for the next 10 or so years into motherhood until the time that their child gains some real independence.
It's hard to tell which way they will go sometimes.
Having had my own children, I do recognize how much of your life parenting does take up. Neither path is right or wrong, but both remind me of an essential truth: maintaining friendships requires effort, intention, and care.
Why Friendships Matter
At their best, friendships are spaces of mutual understanding and support. They’re the people who “get” you, who cheer for your successes, and who offer empathy in your struggles. While some friendships may be circumstantial (born from proximity or shared experiences) others transcend those limitations, becoming rare and precious bonds. These deeper connections are worth protecting, even when life gets busy.
My Friendship Style: One Deep Bond at a Time
Unlike those who thrive in large, cohesive friend groups, my closest friendships tend to form one at a time. In each phase of life, I’ve happened to find the people I connect with most, many of whom I consider confidants. Some of the ways that I’ve found these best friends are unlikely and unexpected and include:
- College on-campus housing
- Pre-natal classes
- Mother’s group
- Social clubs
- Sitting at a bar in Las Vegas
- During my graduate program
They were all ‘collected’ during different periods of my life and live in very different parts of the world. What they have in common is that my life is so much richer with them in it. When you find that kind of person, you do what it takes to care for that relationship.
Maintaining these relationships is not always easy, but I’ve learned some strategies that help.
Small and Frequent Acts of Connection
Friendship doesn’t always demand grand gestures. Often, it’s the little things—a photo of something that reminds you of them, a quick text, or a message after a big event you know they attended—that keep the bond alive.
I believe that sharing the small details of your life is what sustains closeness. You don’t need to wait for a lengthy catch-up session; showing up in small ways, consistently, makes a world of difference.
Video and Phone Calls for Long-Distance Friends
For friends who live far away, I rely on scheduled calls. With one of my best friends, we’ve made a habit of monthly video chats that stretch into hours of conversation. Between calls, we exchange messages or photos, keeping the connection alive.
I’ve even incorporated calls into my daily routine, like phoning my mom during my drive home after the school drop-off. These brief but regular touchpoints keep us close, even across distances.
Face-to-Face Time with Local Friends
When you’re lucky enough to have close friends nearby, making the effort to see them in person is a gift. A coffee date, lunch outing, or shared activity provides the kind of connection that’s hard to replicate digitally.
I cherish these moments when I have them because I know they’re not guaranteed. For example, one of my best friends used to live about 15 minutes away and we’d catch up for coffee every Saturday at a café and just talk about life and what we were doing and creating. It was a great standing date that I always looked forward to. Our friendship was built over time during those catch ups so that when she eventually moved overseas, we had already established such a strong bond that I knew she is someone that I wanted to stay in touch with. Life changes, people move, and circumstances shift. These gatherings are a way of treasuring the present.
When Surface Friendships Fade
One thing I’ve learned from living far from home is that not all friendships withstand time and distance. And that’s okay. Surface-level connections often fade naturally when the proximity or shared experience that initially bonded you disappears.
This isn’t about judgment—it’s about recognizing that our time and energy are limited. They may have been a part of your immediate community for a time, but, again, things change. Prioritizing the friendships that truly matter allows us to nurture the connections that bring us the most joy and fulfillment.
For Those Who Struggle to Stay in Touch
If keeping in touch doesn’t come naturally, there are practical ways to make it easier. Set reminders on your calendar for a quick call or message. Write a list of friends you want to connect with regularly and check in periodically.
What matters isn’t how often you reach out, but that you’re willing to make the effort. Even small steps signal to your friends that you value and care about them.
The Bigger Picture: Why Friendships Are Worth It
Friendships aren’t just about having people to spend time with—they’re about community, support, and shared understanding. In a world that often feels chaotic and isolating, having a circle of people who truly care about you (and for whom you care in return) is a gift.
These are the people who make you feel seen, who celebrate your victories, and who stand by you in your hardest moments. They remind you that you’re not alone, no matter what life throws your way.
Building a Legacy of Connection
Friendships evolve over time, just as we do. But the effort you invest in maintaining those bonds is always worthwhile. By staying connected in small, meaningful ways, you create a legacy of love and support that enriches your life and the lives of those around you.
So, reach out to a friend today. Share a photo, make a call, or schedule a coffee date. If they are on your mind, go ahead and let them know.