An Introduction to Journaling
A few years back the bound notebooks that I had scribbled in religiously every day were my whole world. They were a place where I could show up as myself and feel welcome, even when the environment I was living in felt oppressive and hostile.
These journals had been precious companions. They normally were stacked in a pile near my bookshelf so I could go back and easily reference events, or I would look through them to see how much I had changed from a year ago. There was a comfort in seeing them and having a visual reminder of everything that had transpired.
Unfortunately, when one went missing in the house that I still shared with my ex during the early days of our separation, I decided they no longer felt like a safe space. In fact, their mere presence made me feel incredibly vulnerable; they needed to go.
I was ready to burn them all—completely dispose of them so they couldn’t be read by anyone else. Not because there was anything particularly terrible in them (there wasn’t) but because the idea of having my personal thoughts violated by an unwelcome reader was appalling. In distress, I reached out to my best friend. She eventually talked me out of the idea of destroying them. Instead, she reminded me of how much of my own personal growth was contained in those pages. She suggested I send them from my home in Australia to her place in California for safekeeping.
So, I found myself at the post office lugging a heavy white box balanced in both arms, about to send some of my most treasured memories overseas so they would no longer be in the shared home during our separation. It cost about $200 by sea mail and I had apprehensions about whether they would make it all the way there. But I figured I’d rather they be lost in the ocean than have them remain here and exploited.
My friend and I laugh about it now, how humorously and unnecessarily dramatic it was at the time. those bound notebooks were the culmination of years of personal, and introspective work. They still sit an ocean away, but I feel better knowing that one day I can return to them and that they escaped being hastily discarded.
Journaling is a Great Way to Preserve Otherwise Forgotten Memories
Those journals that were shipped overseas were the pre-divorce journals, whereas the entirety of the blog you’re reading now is from the post-separation era. These more contemporary journals (of which there are about a dozen or so) were compiled over the period of 4 years that encompassed my divorce proceedings. They currently sit on my bookshelf next to me as I type and contain every thought, strategy, tactic, and emotion I felt during that time.
Black, turquoise, peacock blue, rose gold, lilac, magenta, amethyst, and a forest green camouflage are some of the cover colors that feature in my collection. I personally choose a new color each time I write so that I have a deep visual association with the era it represents and can easily recall where I need to go to look up something.
The turquoise one includes the events leading up to my sister’s wedding.
The lilac one details insights from when I began to casually date again.
The amethyst journal begins in complete desperation over a recent breakup and ends nearly a year later, in a surprise twist, during what would become a second breakup with the same person.
I could generally tell you what’s in each one of my journals simply by looking at the cover. I’ve got a pretty good memory. it’s the small details, the little morsels of experience and knowledge that I’ve left for myself within those pages that are the most valuable.
Journaling Provides Space For You To Reflect on Your Days
By the time I had decided to divorce, journaling was an ingrained and essential habit for me. I’d already had a couple of very fruitful years of self-reflection under my belt (as evidenced by that big box I shipped overseas) the entirety of which was captured in daily bursts of writing. this was by accident.
In the past I’d keep a journal during specific times I wanted to capture extra details about events. Journaling added a richness to my own memory landscape.
It wasn’t surprising when I decided to start journaling in 2013 just a week before an exciting overseas trip. It included life milestones like celebrating my sister’s 21st birthday, bringing my son to Disneyland, and a long-awaited trip to Europe that I’d been waiting a short lifetime to take. I knew they were memories that I would want to capture not only in photo form, but also in prose. For me, reading a sentence description of some small occurrence helps extract a treasure trove of remembered sights and senses that would otherwise be irretrievably tucked away in my mind.
So, I had been prepared to record in fine detail all the new and amazing experiences I was about it have. What I hadn’t accounted for was that I would accidentally capture moments of confusion and questioning that occurred during that trip with my ex-husband. It’s remarkable to me now that I have the earliest record of noticing these little frayed edges— the threads that, as I began to inspect further, would start to unravel what I understood about my life.
These changes didn’t occur in a single catastrophic event but in a series of quiet and ordinary shifts. Returning from the big trip I felt a sense of unease. Thankfully, my newly formed habit of journaling provided a space to notice and acknowledge what I was feeling. Each day, little by little, I’d engage in a series of explorations and observations that were happening within the pages of those dozen or so journals. I’d read books and note down some new idea. I’d have an interesting interaction with someone and document how I felt. I’d think about the things I liked and didn’t like in my life. I didn’t imagine there was a particular destination. I simply found the exercise to be soothing during a time when I was extremely unsettled.
In a simplified version of events, some might interpret journaling as eventually leading me to want a divorce. I’d offer that journaling provided clarity for me to see the choices I had.
How to Start Journaling
My journaling practice culminated in a big, life-changing epiphany, but it didn’t start that way. And I don’t want you to think that yours needs to either.
If you’ve talked yourself out of journaling because you think you don’t have anything interesting to say, don’t worry. Most days I don’t have any great insights. The first week of journaling back in 2013 I literally talked about TV shows I watched, and the schoolgirl crush I had on actor Demian Bichir from the U.S. version of “The Bridge.” It doesn’t have to be that deep. And maybe you’ll look back like I do and laugh at yourself a little.
Look at is as recordkeeping, staying in touch with yourself.
Easy Prompts to Start Your Journaling Practice
If you still feel daunted by the blank page staring back at you, a few of the simple go-to prompts I would use early on were:
1. What did I hope to do during the day? (I’m a morning writer, but alternatively you could write about the events of the day that already passed if you want to write at night)
2. Find a quote that means something to me (I often screenshot quotes from Instagram) and write down the significance
3. Read a couple of pages of a book and talk about any memories or thoughts it evoked
I would usually challenge myself to write a page as I felt it was the minimum to get in the flow. Do what feels right for you.
How to Choose Your Ideal Journaling Format
You can choose whatever format you want, maybe you prefer typing on the computer and hate the thought of having volumes of journals sitting around.
As someone who is very tactile, I find there’s a sort of magic that happens with pen and paper so that happens to be my go-to. I’ve tried several journals, some expensive, others from the stationery section of the grocery store, but my go-to combination is the Moleskine classic hardcover notebook and Bic Atlantis pen. This combination seems to flow smoothly enough that it can keep up with the thoughts in my head.
Great Reasons to Start Journaling
There are plenty of great reasons to start journaling, record-keeping, taking a moment of pause throughout the day, generating ideas, exploring emotions, showing gratitude. So, if you have an inkling to do it and think it might be your thing, why not start? Choose a date and time this week to experiment with 7 days of journaling and see how you feel at the end of it.
Other Journaling Considerations
Times When you Might Want to Put the Pen Down
For the most part I’ve found writing to be incredibly therapeutic and beneficial, BUT there have been moments when it did not help me. In fact, it interfered with my ability to accept the emotions and anxieties. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that here.
During times of specific turmoil, like the immediate aftermath of a breakup, I would obsess or heavily rely on logically ‘solving’ my emotions by writing prolifically in my notebook. It didn’t help. I would end up winding myself up into an anxious ball of energy and I was confused as to why this normally effective strategy did not work for me when it always had. In my case, the writing was enabling the thoughts to run through my head over and over again.
What has worked better for me during those times, rather than journaling, has been to sit (literally sit or lay down) with those uncomfortable feelings and allow them to pass. For me it feels like preparing to take a nap— gently allowing thoughts to come up and not judging yourself for them or interacting with them. We all experience emotions differently so this may or may not be appropriate for you, but I offer it as something that has worked for me.
I might still jot down some events of the day in my journal and acknowledge the difficulties yet I’m not writing myself in circles is the point.
Becoming Your Own Inspiration
While obsessively writing about difficult times is probably not beneficial to you, having some recorded history of challenges and heartbreaks you’ve overcome can be an extreme confidence builder. It’s why I make sure to document the raw emotions, the memories, and circumstances of whatever I’m experiencing at the time. It’s a fine line, I know. being able to look back on a time you thought you’d never get through and then months down the road being able to observe how you actually did is pretty amazing. My own journals have provided me with solace and perspective when difficult challenges inevitably arise…ahem, amethyst journal, second breakup. *palm to forehead*
The resilience and resolve that can develop when you choose to learn from past events is invaluable. During the high-stakes divorce process, especially, tapping into new perspectives through journaling helped me improve upon my decision-making and evaluative processes.
Should you desire to finally start writing or continue with a practice that you’ve already begun, I hope the practice of journaling provides you with as much enjoyment, insight, amusement, and self-confidence as it has for me.