Dealing with Disappointment

Life has a way of throwing us curveballs. Plans don’t always materialize in the way that we hope for. When this occurs, the question I often return to is simple yet transformative:

What can you do in this moment?

This question has been a guiding light for me, especially during some of life’s most challenging periods. When things go smoothly, it’s easy to coast along. But when plans derail, answering this question helps me focus on the things that are within my control.

A Life-Changing Moment of Disappointment

One of the most pivotal moments in my life came when I learned I wouldn’t be able to move back to the U.S. with my children after my divorce. In other divorce blog posts, I’ve touched on my efforts to seek permission through the courts to relocate the kids and myself back home. My then-husband and I had moved to Australia because he had always wanted to, and I naively assumed I could easily return to the U.S. if I wished to.

I very clearly remember the day the court’s decision was handed down. I was sitting in my car after dropping my daughter off at school, I received a call from my lawyer. She gently broke the news that I would not be granted relocation. At that moment, I realized Australia would be my home for the foreseeable future.

Though the decision wasn’t what I wanted, it brought relief in one important way: it ended the limbo I’d been living in for years. Knowing the road ahead (even one I hadn’t chosen) allowed me to start figuring what I would do next.

Shifting the Focus

I’ve never been one to dwell in disappointment for long. Not because I don’t feel it, but because I quickly pivot to problem-solving. I could actually stand to sit in my feelings more, it’s something I’m working on. But I digress.

After some time passed with having processed the court’s decision, I began asking myself:

• What can I do with these circumstances?

• How do I use this unique period of time to create something meaningful?

For me, disappointment ends up feeling like an opportunity.

My favorite analogy to use is that it’s like looking at the cards life has dealt you and finding a way to play them so they feel like the exact hand you wanted all along.

Turning Setbacks Into Opportunities

Faced with the reality of staying in Australia, I began exploring the possibilities this new chapter could offer. Here are a few of the decisions that have shaped my life since:

1. Pursuing Higher Education:
   One of my first decisions was to enroll in a master’s program. In the U.S., pursuing such a degree would have meant taking on substantial debt. But Australia’s system of interest-free loans tied to future earnings made it a viable and worthwhile option to demonstrate current skills to employers.

2. Traveling Southeast Asia:
   Staying in Australia also opened doors to travel opportunities I wouldn’t have prioritized otherwise. We’re not geographically close to much, but we’re not so far from really wonderful countries like Thailand, Vietnam and Bali. They may not be areas I would choose to travel if I was based in the states.

3. Building a Career I Love:
   After getting my Master’s degree I eventually found a corporate role that aligns with my passions and strengths, giving me a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

4. Reimagining Home Visits:
   While I choose not to live in the U.S. so that I can remain the primary caregiver of the kids, I’ve made trips back home something truly special. They’ve become meaningful experiences to look forward to.

This wasn’t the life I planned, but I’ve worked to make it a life I love. I had a recognition early on in the divorce process that wishing life was different than it actually is was one of the hardest things to deal with mentally and emotionally. So I stopped wishing it was different and got to the business of figuring out how to make it better than I had hoped for.

What can I say, I love a puzzle.

Applying the Mindset to Everyday Life

This approach isn’t just for life’s big disappointments. It’s a mindset I bring to the small, everyday setbacks as well:

• If my favorite bread is out of stock at the store, I see it as an opportunity to try a new kind.

• If I’m stuck in a long line, I use the time to declutter my phone or reflect on my day.

These small reframes remind me to focus on the gifts already within my reach. Even when life doesn’t go as planned, there’s always something valuable to be found.

How to Incorporate This Mindset

If you want to try this out this way of thinking for yourself, start small. Here are a few strategies to help:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
   Before pivoting to problem-solving, take a moment to feel your disappointment. Ignoring your emotions can lead to burnout and frustration later.

2. Reframe the Situation:
   Look for the opportunities hidden in the challenge. Ask yourself what new possibilities have opened up as a result of this setback.

3. Focus on What You Can Control:
   Disappointment often stems from circumstances beyond our control. Redirect your energy to the things you can influence.

4. Celebrate Small Wins:
   When you start making progress, no matter how small, take a moment to acknowledge it. These wins build momentum and keep you moving forward.

5. Practice Gratitude:
   Even in disappointment, there are things to be grateful for. Reflecting on these can shift your mindset and help you focus on the positives.

Finding the Blessings in the Unexpected

Life rarely goes exactly as planned, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful. Asking yourself What can I do in this moment? is a way to take ownership of your story, even when it doesn’t unfold the way you envisioned.

Whether it’s pursuing new opportunities, finding joy in small moments, or simply learning to appreciate what you have, this mindset transforms disappointment into possibility. And in the end, it’s those moments of creativity and resilience that make life truly extraordinary.