Moving Out During Divorce

Should You Move Out During Divorce?

When I was deciding whether and how to move out of the marital home during a divorce, I’m glad that I didn’t consult the general consensus of divorce advice out there on the internet. A lot of articles will tell you that it might be the worst mistake you could make (as if you’re not already worried about every single step you take during this process.)

If Moving is Right for You, Learn About and Work Around the Possible Challenges

You know that I’m a big proponent of doing things that are right for you when it comes to evaluating tough decisions. Of course, it is important to consult with your lawyer if you think there could be some angles that you might not be seeing when it comes to your case. For example, in the state that I was living in moving out was not going to affect any claim that I had on the house from a property standpoint…and might I add, my name wasn’t even ever on the title. Again, get a professional opinion on the ramifications of moving, but if you really feel like you need to for whatever mental health reasons or to better have boundaries it’s worth working around the challenges.

As I mentioned before, I stayed separated under the same roof for over a year because our daughter was only just a year old at the time and she needed to spend as much time as possible with both of her parents. Even then, I lived out of the marital home for over two years before our matter was finalized in the courts. I cannot fathom having stayed that long living in the same place.

Moving Out After Separation Helps You Begin to Piece Together Your Own Identity

Symbolically, living on my own and making decisions was identity-building.

I still don’t know how I was able to swing the first rental bond and rent but somehow it all came together. I won’t lie about the fact that my new place was furnished by my Hyatt Chase Credit card because I didn’t have a lot of cash in my account, but I knew that I had a settlement from the marital home coming in the end if I could just make things work in the meantime. It was a very calculated risk. It is also why I am such a devoted World of Hyatt member, because all of my memories of being able to travel and having that bit of freedom is based on this credit card that I serendipitously happened to apply for just before the divorce (as a side note, If you are thinking about divorce and have been the stay at home parent without much financial independence, consider applying for a credit card responsibly while you have that household income. This is in no way financial advice, just bringing up one of many possible options you might want to talk to a financial professional about.)

What to Do Before You Move Out of the Marital Home

I had already signed a lease in a good school district a month or so before telling my ex that I was going to move out of the home. Here are some of the things I did prior to telling him about the change in living arrangements.

Get Records of Everything Before You Leave the Marital Home

I’m talking photocopies, scans, policies, every type of bill that you get, even take photos of the property that is going to remain after you leave.

Forward Your Mail

Move your important mail to either a PO Box, your new address, or a friend’s address.

Get Your Name Off of the Utilities

If you are the one who receives the bills in your name, you’ll need to notify the utility companies that you are moving, and they can be addressed to the new resident. I remember there was a bit of confusion when I was setting up my electric account at my new place and I had to clarify that I was getting the right residential bills.

Take What’s Yours from the Home

Here are a few other silly things that you may overlook while you’re busy moving but might want to think about:

Overall, If It Belongs to The Home, It Should Probably Stay There

Property can be a touchy subject. Especially if you’re fighting over who wants what items. As I’ve said on more than one occasion, my ex and I were very different people and had entirely different taste in home furnishings. Plus, the bigger pieces of furniture that were in the large marital home were totally inappropriate for the very small space that I was moving into. This made it easy to leave the furnishings. They were predominantly his choice, so I figured I don’t need any part of that anymore.

What I did Take

I generally like to keep my side of the street clean, so to speak, when it comes to fairness. For that reason, I only removed things from the house that were truly mine (clothes, handbags, books, cooking items that I only knew how to use.) Also, I took a newish area rug that was in the room I was using as my personal office (again, a space and item only I really used) and a play table and chair for my young daughter of which there was already a duplicate set in the house.

I did also take HALF (think community property) of some consumables like dish tablets of the dishwasher, laundry detergent, some food, it was actually really funny but I just thought why should I have to buy that entire thing brand new lol.

The other thing that was a sticking point for me was that only a couple of years prior I had purchased a fancy door mat that looked nice in the front entrance. My ex really would never have noticed it. So, I did take that but not before I replaced it with a much cheaper version from Kmart that was also very nice but much less pricey. Again, I felt that was fair.

For the most part, if it belonged in the house that I was leaving, I didn’t touch it. Besides, I wanted to start anew.

Find Out Whether You Need to Provide Notice

I have always been the primary caregiver of the children and it went without saying that they would live with me most of the time. With that in mind, I did draft a little handwritten note and handed it to my ex outlining the day and date of when I would be moving out. You may not need to do this but I’m such a stickler for recordkeeping during this period and there won’t be any confusion about timelines if you have to rehash everything later down the line in court.

What Was it Like to Move from a Huge Home to a Tiny Apartment?

For one thing, I was extremely happy that it cost a lot less to furnish properly because there were so few rooms. They were small and couldn’t support a lot of furniture anyway so I could invest in pieces I liked more since I wouldn’t have to buy 2 different lounge suites, or 8 dining chairs.

I had worried about what it would feel like to move from such a large home into a small apartment, would I really feel a sense of loss for how nice my previous surroundings were? It turns out I didn’t miss it at all. In fact, the space that I moved to fit better with the kind of life I preferred to have. It’s not a surprise that many women who divorce end up not wanting to cook or clean in the way that they used to when they were married. Smaller space equals less cleaning, enough said.

Conclusion

Things to Consider When Deciding Whether to Move Out During Divorce

1.       If it feels like the right choice for you, learn about the possible ramifications and workarounds for these challenges

2.       Moving out may give you a better chance of re-establishing your individual identity

3.       Get records of everything that might be left there once you go

4.       Remember to forward your important mail

5.       Figure out what utilities you need to remove your name from

6.       Decide what property you can rightfully take with you

7.       Remember, you’re perfectly capable of making a really wonderful life in any new place you reside.