How to Protect Yourself as a Stay-at-Home Parent
When I was getting divorced, my mom revealed to me one day that she had always been concerned that I had chosen to essentially stay at home and not pursue my own career. In fact, it was a common theme that was water cooler talk among the women she worked with. Their daughters were choosing to forgo careers to do their part in the family.
It makes a lot of sense from a family standpoint, if you’re working together as a partnership, to divide the efforts. The big problem with this, that most of our mothers understood, is that if you choose to be the one who raises the children, you’re putting yourself at huge risk.
Divorce is only one of the potential risks
If the relationship that you’re in ends, you suddenly are thrown into the deep end without a safety net. No one gets married thinking they are going to eventually divorce, but alas, over 50% of marriages end this way. These aren’t great odds. And even if you’re one of the solid couples, life can throw you other curve balls that none of us want to think about but do unfortunately happen, like disability or even death. If suddenly your partner was no longer able to work, what would you do?
Another situation that sadly occurs, is that when women do not have some level of financial independence they may feel like they need to stay in a relationship that is harmful or dangerous. A lack of access to funds can trap someone in a situation that they would otherwise leave.
Managing the risks associated with being a stay-at-home parent
Choosing to be a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, often made with love and the best intentions for your family. However, it’s also a decision that puts you in a vulnerable position financially and professionally. If the person you’re with truly cares for your well-being, they should also be mindful of how stepping away from the workforce can impact your long-term security. While no one wants to plan for worst-case scenarios, the reality is that divorce, disability, or even the death of a spouse can drastically alter your financial stability. Discussing these potential scenarios and how you can put protections in place for the person forfeiting their career is something that should be addressed as a couple.
How I Would Handle the Issue of Money as a Stay-at-Home Parent
With the hindsight of having done this incorrectly in my marriage, I have some thoughts about what advice I would give to others who are thinking of making this decision.
The super interesting part for me is that these worries didn’t occur to me until later in our marriage. When I brought up some of the ideas below I was completely rejected by my now ex-partner. Not a surprise at all, and honestly, if we had talked about this at the outset I would have known that this man was not looking out for me.
I’m not suggesting you need to do everything outlined here, but I would suggest the main point is for you as the stay-at-home parent to find a way to have financial independence in an equitable way – however you decide to configure that.
Here are some things you could consider and talk about with your partner:
How Will You Maintain Some Level of Financial Independence and Awareness?
One of the most critical things you can do is ensure you have financial independence. This doesn’t mean keeping secrets from your spouse but rather maintaining a level of autonomy that allows you to have control over your own financial future. This might include:
Having your own bank account that only you have access to, in addition to a joint account for shared household expenses.
Regularly contributing to your own personal savings, investments, or a retirement account to build long-term security.
Working together to track household finances to stay informed about your family’s financial health.
Negotiating an Agreed-Upon Salary from the Spouse’s Earnings
Stay-at-home parenting is work—unpaid, undervalued work. A fair way to ensure both partners have equal financial footing is to agree upon a set amount that both spouses receive for personal use.
Each spouse could receive an equal amount of discretionary money, regardless of who earns the income.
This setup fosters financial equality and ensures both partners have autonomy over their spending decisions.
How Can You Stay Professionally Relevant?
One of the biggest challenges stay-at-home parents face when trying to re-enter the workforce is an outdated skillset. Keeping up with industry trends, technology, and continued learning can help bridge this gap. Having a partner that is supportive and takes on their share of the household work to allow you to further develop yourself even in this stay-at-home stage is important. You might choose to use your development time by:
Staying informed by reading industry news, following thought leaders, and engaging in discussions related to your field.
Taking online courses or certifications to maintain and expand your skillset.
Exploring volunteer or freelance opportunities that align with your interests and expertise.
Are There Ways to Explore Side Hustles or Career Paths Once Your Child Starts School?
Many stay-at-home parents wait until their children are fully grown before thinking about re-entering the workforce, but there’s value in starting earlier. Once your child begins preschool, you can use this time to explore side hustles or part-time work that aligns with your skills and interests. Again, this will likely require the support of your partner carry their weight in the household. A few of the benefits of taking on part-time work:
Earning even a small income can help rebuild confidence and provide financial security.
Having a professional identity outside of parenthood prevents your entire sense of purpose from being tied to your children.
Pursuing personal goals teaches your children the importance of independence and ambition, setting a positive example for their own future.
Conclusion
Being a stay-at-home parent is a rewarding but financially precarious position if not approached with careful planning. Ensuring financial independence, staying professionally engaged, and maintaining an identity beyond parenting are all critical steps in protecting yourself. While no one wants to think about worst-case scenarios, preparing for them can give you the confidence and security to fully embrace your role as a parent.