What is the Promise You Made to Yourself?

There’s a funny thing that happens as you emerge out of the other end of a divorce. Life starts getting a little easier as you regain your footing. For me, I took the opportunity to rest—a lot. I needed a reprieve from the stress, and I was fortunate enough to carve out that time for myself as I began building a new life and career.

But I still remember those early days vividly. I would cry. I would worry all the time about what the future would look like. I’d think about the missteps that I made and how I’d do things differently in the future. I was often immersed in books, reading endlessly while waiting and biding my time between court cases. Life felt like it was in limbo. I was busy raising my kids, but my mind was constantly consumed with thoughts of what my eventual future might look like.

During those moments, I would find myself saying something like:

“When this is over, I promise I’m going to…”

For me, this sentiment came in many forms. I had more than four years to think about how I wanted to live differently. Those promises to myself became an anchor—a guide to what I wanted my life to be. Even now, when I feel tempted to settle into old patterns or simply “go with the flow,” I remind myself of those promises.

1. I Promised Myself I Would Fully Use My Creativity and Talent

When I looked back at my old life, I realized I had been living in a way that didn’t suit who I was or the skills I had. It’s deeply disheartening to feel like you’re not reaching your potential, as if you’re hiding the gifts you have to offer. I didn’t want to fall back into that kind of existence.

This second chance at life is something I’m fiercely protective of. It’s often what gets me out of bed in the mornings, even on days when motivation feels far away. There are so many things I want to create, accomplish, and put out into the world. Promising to honor my creativity has been a powerful driving force for me, and I’ve made it a priority not to lose sight of that.

2. I Promised Myself That Once I Achieved Financial Security, I Would Help Others

I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than hoarding wealth. Yes, I enjoy nice things now and then, but that kind of indulgence brings only fleeting joy. For me, it’s far more meaningful to help make someone else’s life a little easier or to provide opportunities they might not have had otherwise.

I don’t want to judge how others choose to spend their money, I do, however feel its important to live in alignment with my own values. The idea of achieving financial stability and then doing nothing to pay it forward feels deeply uncomfortable to me. I promised myself I wouldn’t miss the chance to make a positive impact if I could. I’m still working on this.

3. I Promised Myself I Would Never Rely on Someone Else Financially

This was probably the hardest lesson I learned from my marriage. When I was younger, I made the mistake of relying on someone else to take care of me financially. While it’s not something I’m proud of, it’s a part of my story, and I’ve had to learn to build my own security the hard way.

Now, I take immense pride in what I’ve achieved on my own terms. The confidence that comes with financial independence is real. It’s a promise I made to myself, and it’s one I’ve worked hard to keep.

4. I Promised I Would Share Everything I Learned During My Hardships

One of the biggest motivators for starting this divorce blog was the desire to share what I’ve learned. I know how overwhelming and isolating these experiences can feel, and if anything I’ve gone through can help someone else, then it’s worth putting it out there.

I promised myself that I would turn my hardships into something useful—not just for me, but for anyone who might need guidance, encouragement, or even just the reassurance that they’re not alone.

What Are the Promises You’ve Made to Yourself?

If you’re going through a challenging time right now, or if you’ve already come out on the other side, take a moment to reflect. What are the promises you’ve made to yourself?

There’s a unique clarity that comes with turmoil. When everything feels uncertain, the things that truly matter to you tend to rise to the surface. It’s during these moments that you can uncover what you genuinely value and what kind of life you want to build.

I hope you use this time to dream, to plan, and to hold onto those promises. They’re not just goals—they’re your roadmap to a future that feels authentic and fulfilling. And when life starts to settle down and it’s easy to forget. Remind yourself of why you made those promises in the first place.

Your promises are the foundation of your new beginning. Keep them close and let them guide you toward the life you deserve.