If the Idea of Divorce Scares You

Divorce is one of those life events that often feels wrapped in fear, uncertainty, and doubt. It’s a word that holds weight, carrying with it the whispers of societal judgment, the fear of the unknown, and the pain of breaking apart something you once believed would last forever. If you’re grappling with the idea of divorce and the fear that accompanies it, you’re not alone.

I’ve been there, too.

And while I wish I could tell you I made this brave decision effortlessly; the truth is much messier.

I once had a therapist tell met that usually women take about 2 years of consideration to decide they want a divorce. That’s exactly what happened to me.

Perhaps I’ll share the details of those formative two years in a future series, but it’s too long a story for this blog post. The TLDR version of that story is that I tried everything I could to see if I could find a way to meaningfully exist in the relationship. Once I knew it was impossible to reconcile the person I am with the framework of that family life it, what to do next was obvious.

How Fear Can Shape Our Decisions

When I chose to end my marriage, it wasn’t because I was extraordinarily courageous. It was because I had reached a point where the fear of staying outweighed the fear of leaving. I had a vivid sense of where our life was heading if nothing changed, and that vision filled me with a deep despair.

The future I saw wasn’t one where I could thrive or even function in the ways I wanted to as a parent and as an individual.

At the time, I realized I wasn’t showing up for my kids in the way they needed me to. Instead of being a guiding influence, I felt like I was becoming a bystander in their lives. I was too consumed by the stresses of my marriage to be the present and intentional parent I wanted to be.

There were other factors, too. I had grown skeptical of the decisions my partner was making and the roles we each played in the household. I often felt like the “clean-up crew” for mistakes and bad deals. It was exhausting and unsustainable, but I also knew I wasn’t blameless. I contributed to the dynamics in our marriage and our household, and recognizing my part in it made stepping away feel even more necessary.

Divorce Is Scary—and That’s Okay

Divorce is terrifying. It’s a leap into the unknown, a dismantling of life as you know it. And it’s okay to feel scared. The idea of untangling your life from someone else’s can feel overwhelming, especially because you start with no idea what your future might look like.

But here’s the thing: You don’t need to have everything figured out to take that first step. All you really need to know is that you can’t continue on the path you’re currently on. That’s enough. That realization, however small or overwhelming, is the seed of change.

For me, the decision to leave wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment epiphany. It was a slow buildup of discomfort, doubt, and unhappiness. I’m not someone who’s easily moved to action—I tend to hold out until I have no other choice. This was no different.

I waited until the signs were so glaring that I couldn’t ignore them any longer. In hindsight, I wish I had acted sooner. I’m working on recognizing when things aren’t serving me and responding more quickly, but at the time, I did the best I could with what I had.

You’re Not Alone

One of the things that gave me strength during that difficult time was remembering that I wasn’t the first person to go through this—and I certainly wouldn’t be the last. Divorce is more common than we often realize, and while every situation is unique, many of the fears and struggles are universal.

It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one facing these challenges, but the truth is, lots of people have walked this path before. They’ve felt the fear, the guilt, the uncertainty, and yet they’ve come out on the other side. That’s not to say it’s easy, but it is survivable. And sometimes, it’s the best decision you can make for yourself and your family.

Finding Strength in the Fear

If you’re on the verge of making this decision and feel paralyzed by fear, know this: fear doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care deeply about what happens next. It’s a sign that you’re human.

It’s okay to feel afraid. But don’t let that fear stop you from making the choices that will lead you to a better place. Staying in a situation that’s no longer working can feel like the safer option, but often, it’s just a slower route to the same inevitable conclusion.

A New Beginning

Divorce isn’t the end of your story—it’s the start of a new chapter. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s scary. But it’s also an opportunity to change course, to create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

If you’re standing at this crossroads, take a deep breath. Trust that you have the strength to move forward, even if you don’t feel brave right now. You’re not alone, and you’re not failing. You’re doing what you need to do to find your way back to yourself.