How to Handle a Child Trying to ‘Parent Trap’ You and Your Ex

Okay, so I thought his was a kind of funny subject because it followed an interaction that I had with my daughter as I was handing her over to her father for the weekend.

She went to go greet him and give him a hug and then out of the blue she asked me to give him a hug.

We both played it off and did not give into that request. I joked with my older child that she was clearly trying to ‘Parent Trap’ myself and her father.

If you haven’t seen the movie “The Parent Trap” its main premise is that a pair of identical twins discover they are siblings (even though they didn’t know the other existed) and create a crazy scheme to get their parents back together.

My daughter was trying to do the same, minus the identical twin part of the story.

Thankfully, it has never happened again, but it can be a nuisance to have an eager child wishing that her parents would get back together and be a happy family. Especially since our breakup happened when she was quite young and was never exposed to the problems in our household.

WHAT IF THE CHILD TRIES TO PARENT TRAP MORE THAN ONCE

If your child repeatedly tries to get you and your ex together it is better to do something sooner rather than later. You will want to express your discomfort with their requests and possibly have a talk about why there is a good reason you are no longer together. I have mentioned in a previous blog post that there only exists a very small selection of explanations that would remotely resonate with a child without unnecessarily causing pressure on the relationship they have with their other parent.

If it continues to happen, it may require avoiding situations where you are all together casually.

WHAT IF YOU BELIEVE THE OTHER PARENT IS INFLUENCING YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR?

I had no reason to think that my ex was behind our daughter’s bids for us connecting again. He is with a new partner. But it could be the case that your ex is interested in rekindling things and nudging your child along with this idea.

If you think your ex is putting ideas into your child’s head, then you’ll have to have a civil discussion with them about the ongoing situation. Since it might not be possible to have hard evidence of this underhanded activity it might be worth saying, ‘She seems to be bringing it up a lot, what can we do put it to rest for her?’

If your ex has had no part in the idea they will likely agree with you and try to come up with an idea together. If, on the other hand your ex begins suggesting that your child has a point…you probably have your answer about from where the child is being influenced.

If your co-parent tries to use it as a segue into reasons you should be together again, you’ll need to put a firm boundary down with them.

Even after all the dust has settled with your divorce, you are likely to find little things come up from time to time. Hopefully, after everything you’ve been through you are in a much better position to advocate for what you need, and quickly.

I personally did not have parents that were split but I know from others that the idea of having a nuclear family is one that is a prominent daydream for many children of divorce- no matter how nonsensical it seems.

So, don’t take it so personally if your child has a dream of you two getting back together again.

You know the reasons that you split in the first place. All you need to do is live your life well as evidence that it was the right choice for you and them.