Tips for Finding Balance as a Single Working Mom
I remember when I was younger my mom, who worked full-time at a stressful office job, would be the one to cook all the dinners, clean the house, drive me to school. My dad also worked and did things around the house, but I was very aware of the fact that my mom ran the household like a traditional stay-at-home mom would but ALSO worked.
It really was the worst of both worlds.
She talks now about how she has no idea how she did it.
My circumstances are different than hers were, I don’t have the additional income or emotional support of a partner, but I thank goodness in a lot of ways that working conditions for parents have gotten better. It’s much more acceptable to strive toward some type of balanced life/work than ever before. But this doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do.
Doing it all
As a single parent you’re the head of household, the breadwinner, the nurse, the chef, the chauffeur, the caretaker, the entertainment director, and the counselor. If you happen to work outside of the home you’re trying to do all of this while holding down a full-time job that comes with its own demands on your time and mental energy.
If you’re currently in the middle of this type of life you might feel like it’s all too much, because it is! I’m right there with you, and the main two things that get me through this time are knowing that:
1. This time is temporary, it’s a tough and grueling season of your life but it won’t last forever.
2. Not everything has to be done perfectly, as long as you and your kids are well you don’t necessarily need to worry about a slightly messy home or undone chores.
The right frame of mind helps to some extent, but I also want to share some of the other things that I’ve learned being single mother while working full time. This isn’t some magic formula; you’ll probably have to experiment with the things that will work for you.
What I hope you notice is that many of the tips here involve giving yourself some grace and staying connected to others. While you may be a solo parent, you’re probably not as alone as you think. And if you are somewhat isolated right now, maybe this will help remind you that investing your time in connecting with others is worthwhile and necessary to our wellbeing.
Tips for Balancing Work and Life as a Single Mother
Learn to Accept Help and Remember to Build Your Village
Even if you don’t have a significant other you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve learned that having a short list of people I can call on makes a massive difference when something comes up like a late meeting, a school pickup, a sick day. Try to build a network of people you trust, even if they’re only available occasionally. The goal is not to never need help, but to know who to ask when you do.
Of course, friendship and community-building are a two-way street. These are things that must be cultivated over time with trust. When you can it’s important to show up for others in the ways that you can.
Prioritise Your Mental Health
You are worthy of care and that is good enough reason to prioritize yourself.
And if you’re less inclined to put your needs first, it’s worth remembering that if you’re the captain of the ship, you need to stay in good health otherwise it affects everyone. Burnout is real and can cause a huge interruption to your schedule if you don’t take measures to prevent it.
Learn to listen to the signs that your mind or body needs a break and figure out a list of ‘refreshers’ that work to help you keep from burning out. This might be as simple as a nap, catching up with a friend, reading for leisure, meditating.
In terms of making your mental and emotional health a priority, scheduling times to see a therapist or sleeping in on the weekend are a couple of things that I’ve enjoyed and count as purposeful.
Seek Flexibility at Work
I’m fortunate enough to work for a place that prioritizes flexibility for parents and carers because they know it ends up being good for everyone. If this isn’t the obvious policy at your place of work it might be worth bringing up the idea. Ultimately, an inflexible workplace might not be one that you want to fully invest in. That’s a choice you’ll need to make for yourself. Where we work can have huge impacts on our life and it’s worth reflecting on how you can make the situation better suited to your needs and health.
Remember That Balance Looks Different Every Day
Some days I’m firing on all cylinders, getting through my to-do list, eating healthy meals, and getting in a workout. Other days I barely have the energy to sit in front of my computer for virtual meetings. I’ve learned that giving 100% everyday is relative to the amount of energy stores and focus I have the capacity for on that given day. If all I’ve got in the tank on a given day is to write an article and drink my 8 glasses of water, I consider that a win.
Most days the dishes can wait, the floor doesn’t need to be vacuumed. I know I’ll get to it eventually and don’t worry about keeping a perfect schedule.
Figure Out What Your Daily Non-Negotiables Are
I just mentioned above that not all days are going to be fruitful, and some things are going to have to go by the wayside. In my life that normally is related to the house chores and the cooking. Those are the areas that I’m more willing to let slide.
However, there are things that I do during each day that I consider to be non-negotiables, and they are mostly related to keeping my physical health and emotional well-being.
These include things like sleeping at a certain time, brushing my teeth and washing the makeup off my face, eating a certain amount of protein and nutrients daily, spending time outside, getting movement, and connecting with others.
Knowing your list of must-dos can help you structure your days.
Stack Tasks Where You Can (But Don’t Go Overboard)
Yes, I make calls to my mom during the school drop-off. I read a book while my daughter practices music. But I’m careful not to constantly optimize every moment of the day. Some tasks can be paired, but there’s a cost to always multitasking. My brain works better (and I feel more present) when I slow down and do one thing at a time.
Learn to Say No (Without Guilt)
I’ve become fiercely protective of my time. I say no to things that don’t fit. I say no to people who drain me. And I’ve learned that guilt doesn’t have to be part of the process. Time is the one resource I can’t get back, so I spend it carefully.
Clear the Clutter (Physically and Mentally)
I’ve had to let go of some hobbies, things, and even expectations. I used to love sewing, but I gave away my machine because it’s not what I need in this season. It’s so important to be clear on what stays and what goes. This includes friendships and obligations as well. It’s okay to let some things go.
Life as a single working mom isn’t always going to look like this. Your kids will grow. Your schedule will shift. You’ll have more freedom eventually. But until then, it’s okay to choose yourself in small, meaningful ways.
Ignore the mess sometimes. Dance in the kitchen. Order the pizza. Celebrate the tiny wins. And remind yourself that showing up, however imperfectly, is more than enough.