Self-Care After Divorce: Rebuilding Life on Your Own Terms
Self-care after divorce is more than a day at the spa or fleeting indulgences—it’s about transforming the way you live, so you can unpack your past, heal from it, and build a life that feels right for you.
This isn’t a quick process, and it’s not meant to be.
If you’ve gone through divorce, it’s okay to take your time, as I did. It’s a journey, not a race, and giving yourself the grace to move at your own pace is an act of care in itself.
Taking Time to Heal
For me, healing after divorce took years. I didn’t force myself to forget or rush into the next chapter of my life. Instead, I focused on building a strong foundation by nurturing myself. My approach might not work for everyone, and that’s okay. Your path may be shorter or look entirely different, but what matters is that it provides what you need.
I allowed myself a quiet period, free from the pressure to accomplish or achieve anything big. It wasn’t until recently that I began feeling inklings of ambition again. For years, my energy went toward living in the present and simply being.
Breaking Away from Self-Improvement Culture
One decision that profoundly shaped my healing was steering clear of self-improvement books and movements. While they work wonders for some, I found that I was drawn to them because they sparked my strong inner-critic. When you already have an in-built critical system it’s hard to ignore the underlying message: “You aren’t good enough as you are.” That message felt like an invitation for my inner critic to take over, and I didn’t need that during such a vulnerable time.
Instead, I chose to embrace who I was, without striving to optimize or improve every aspect of my life. Self-care, for me, wasn’t about becoming a “better” version of myself—it was about getting comfortable with the person I already was.
Honoring My Needs
Here’s what self-care looked like for me during this time:
Resting Without Guilt: I took naps, slept as much as my body needed, and let go of the constant pressure to be productive. It was challenging to accept that I was worthy of this rest, especially when the world often equates productivity with value. But learning to simply exist without guilt was a transformative experience.
Enjoying Small Joys: Treating myself to breakfast by the beach, ordering takeout to make my day easier, and indulging in things I love—reading, writing, and watching TV—became meaningful rituals of care.
Moving Mindfully: I explored physical activities that felt good for my body and helped me grow stronger. Movement became a way to support myself rather than punish myself.
Connecting Intentionally: Regularly scheduled calls with friends and family helped me stay grounded and reminded me of the love in my life.
Rediscovering Stillness: I learned to be comfortable with stillness, to listen to myself, and to face thoughts and feelings I might have previously drowned out with busyness.
Giving Yourself Permission
Not everyone has the luxury of taking time off work or stepping back from responsibilities, and I recognize how fortunate I was to have that option. Still, guilt lingered. I worried about whether I was doing “enough” or if others would judge me for not diving right back into a productive routine. It took time to unlearn that mindset and fully embrace the truth that I was worthy of rest and care, regardless of how much I was achieving.
Thriving Beyond Divorce
Self-care after divorce isn’t about escaping or distracting yourself—it’s about nurturing a relationship with yourself. It’s giving yourself the space to feel, to rest, and to discover what truly makes you happy. It’s finding the courage to be still and the grace to accept who you are in that stillness.
Today, I look back on this time with gratitude. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick, but it was essential. If you’re walking a similar path, know that it’s okay to take your time. You’re still living, learning, and experiencing joy, even in the quiet moments.