Encouragement For When You Are Tired

Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster. It takes all of your attention and energy, all the while you are trying to do the best that you can to live your life. It’s a big effort.

Part of writing for this blog is trying to remember the little moments.

I wanted to create honest blog posts that came from my experiences and one of the recurring themes of this period of my life was utter exhaustion.

For a variety of reasons and circumstances your body will think it is in fight or flight mode and you could have stress chemicals running high for an extended period.

I was surprised that even after the whole process was done for me, it took at least of year of prioritizing naps and rest to feel myself again. I still think I’m working toward normalizing my stress levels to this day.

PRACTICE STRESS MANAGEMENT NOW

I’ve written in the past about how I used the elliptical machine as a crutch to release all the excited stress energy I would wake up with in the morning. That’s only just one tool.

If I could go back I would have majorly invested in my own stress relief/relaxation routine because the build up that you have over the years is wild. Please get over the notion that this is a nice thing to do if you have the time to do it. It is NOT, it is a necessity for your wellbeing.

Lean into routine in this regard, figure out what works for you. Be diligent about listening to what your body needs, especially if it is rest.

We think of divorce as an emotional and mental process…trust me, this is just as much a physical endurance test as well.

MY OWN LITTLE LESSONS

If there is a chance that these thoughts can help anyone else in a tough situation I wanted to share some random thoughts and writings here during the time that I would have been at my lowest and in the throes of an extended divorce. A few of these thoughts are what kept me going through this time:

·       You didn’t come this far to only come this far

·       What you are doing is extremely brave, and this new version of you is trying to emerge, let it

·       This is a long game. Even though you might be living a month-to-month existence in a lot of ways but make sure you are caring for yourself in a way that will provide you longevity

·       Take a deep breath, hide under some covers, do what you need to do to feel it all and let it pass through you. Reset with a nap.

·       Being the emotional rock for my children means holding things together when they are around, but when I’m alone I lean into everything I’m feeling as a sort of catharsis

·       Allow the tears to come, it can be one of the greatest forms of stress relief

·       Cry loud, get angry. You’re allowed to do that, and you might even NEED to do that especially if you’ve been holding in your anger for so long

·       One foot in front of the other is all you’ll be able to do on certain days, and that’s okay

·       A breakup, realizing you’re shouldering most of the responsibility for the emotional well-being of two other humans, money woes…these things can be mentally exhausting, give yourself some grace if you don’t have it all figured out. You are doing what you can

·       Remember, it doesn’t matter how far along in the process you are these feelings of overwhelm can still happen at any time

·       The moments where I finally felt like I was figuring things out and then experienced a setback were some of the hardest. I would remind myself that two steps forward and one step back is still forward progress

·       Emotionally, it can feel very turbulent to experience the growing pains that come with facing personal issues you’ve previously set aside

·       Give yourself credit for taking steps to lead a more authentic life. It is nothing less than heroic to walk through this life and be yourself

LITTLE NOTES FOR YOURSELF

When I was journaling every day one of the things I would do was take meaningful and hopeful quotes and write them in the back of my journal so that I could start my day off by looking at this collection of inspirational words first thing in the morning or whenever I needed it. It’s like a little pep talk for yourself.

TAP INTO YOUR CREATIVITY AND TRY DIFFERENT THINGS

Find something that lights you up. What are your favorite things? What are your favorite shows? Never underestimate the excitement that comes with catching the day’s episode of your favorite soap opera. Sometimes you just need something simple to look forward to and anchor your day.

If you’re so inclined, journal what you’re feeling, the heartbreak, the disappointment, the resentment. If nothing else, you’ll look back at this in the next several months or even a year and be so proud of how you made it through this time.

Even if you haven’t been an avid reader, maybe you’ll find books bring you solace. Perhaps you enjoy working with your hands and cutting out images to make a vision board.

You are transforming (with lots of growing pains) into a new person; it stands to reason that maybe you now enjoy activities that previously didn’t resonate for you. Try some new things.

There will inevitably be moments when you feel like you can’t take it anymore. You’re tired, You just want to be over it all.

This is normal and if you treat it as normal it may help provide some perspective.

I’m so sorry that you are in the middle of the hardest part. I wish I could do more for you than simply write down some ideas that helped me. My hope is this allows you to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, however long that takes. Eventually, time will pass, and you’ll look back at this period in awe of how you got through it.