How To Look After Your Emotional Well-being During Divorce

If you’ve read enough of these blog posts you’ll know by now that I’m very practical. I did prioritize my own emotional and mental well-being during this time mostly because I thought it would be a very inconvenient moment to have a nervous breakdown as the primary carer of the children.

Literally, any mental health issue could jeopardize my role as the primary parent and I obviously wanted to avoid putting any of that into question.

I was in the position of choosing the divorce so I was in a slightly more stable position emotionally. I already had been thinking about our familial life in general and how it was not working at all. It made it slightly easier than being the one who had the rug pulled out from under them but it still wasn’t a cakewalk.

A few of the things that made a difference for me:

Seeking the help of a psychologist or therapist

I had already done a lot of personal introspection AND I knew it was important for me to work with a professional who had the training to help me better understand and make sense of everything that was happening around me and within me.

You’ll often hear someone say ‘Shopping is my Therapy’ or ‘Running is my Therapy’ but, no. They are therapeutic but in no way substitute for the actual work that happens when you’re in the hands of a trusted professional.

I know everyone can’t afford therapy (which is a travesty since it is such an essential service) but there are other resources that may provide useful for better understanding yourself. I’m biased toward the resources at www.thegivingwellco.com which, full disclosure, my bestie and I started for exactly this reason.

Leaning on Friends

I don’t mean just going to them for advice or talking about the divorce. Friends and their lives provide a great distraction and a reminder that life still keeps moving. In a previous blog post I ask whether you are continuing to be a good friend during your own personal crisis. These are the people that would do anything for you, and care about you. In return doesn’t it make sense to also look after them?

Physical Exercise

My friend would swim laps everyday to clear her mind, I personally liked the elliptical machine to start my day. There’s no doubt that exercise not only keeps you healthy but provides you with those lovely endorphins to lift your mood- something that comes in handy to have in your arsenal when you’re facing challenging times.

Plenty of Rest

When I’m down I usually rest, a lot. I have never slept so early in my adult life as when I was in the beginning stages of divorce. I mostly listened to my body and respected when it was tired. The mental energy of dealing with dozens of new decisions every day can be taxing. Don’t feel embarrassed if you need to scale back the amount you need to do every day because you’re likely already dealing with tons of stress.

Keeping Busy with Projects

At the same time, any freelance work that I had at the time was a godsend.  It kept my mind busy and occupied with something other than the main thing that was consuming my life. Having something to accomplish and interacting with new people was welcome. Being a functional person was reassuring considering many days I felt like an emotional blob.

Journaling or Some Other Creative Expression

I dedicate a whole blog post to how important journaling has been for me. It was an outlet. Perhaps you do the same or maybe your creative outlet looks different. Doing something where you can express yourself can be very cathartic in general. Painting, singing, playing an instrument, whatever it is that does it for you should maybe be a regular part of your schedule.

Continuing to Discover Who You Are Becoming

One of the hardest things about divorce is that it takes away whatever future you thought you might have. That’s a tough pill to swallow and can leave people feeling adrift. On days when I had no idea where I was going, I continued to focus on my own growth and learning about myself. The more that you discover, the more possibilities you will see for the new version of the future that is revealing itself. This can be scary, but it can also be exciting.

Whether you use some of these tactics or find some of your own, I hope you take the time to put your well-being at the top of your priorities.