Solo Travel During Divorce
I want to start off by saying, travel is a luxury that not everyone has access to. If you can do it, the following words describe some of my experiences and thoughts about solo travel during divorce that might help you or persuade you to go on an adventure if you have the time and means to do so. It doesn’t have to be a far or even luxurious trip but getting away from everything and seeing something new is extremely powerful.
Honestly, I realized many years later that during the time when I was still married, I used to sit in a cozy corner of my home reading while being surrounded by books and journals and this fit the same criteria that I think travel does for me now. When I didn’t have the freedom or funds to travel, I chose books and art museums.
Why I Took My First Solo Trip
My extended divorce included petitioning the family courts to allow the children to relocate with me back to the United States. Early in the process, I found it difficult to cope with the isolation of being in a country (Australia) that I hadn’t personally chosen. We made the move shortly after getting married and I played the role of the supportive partner who moved to fulfill a spouse’s dream; it’s what you do in good faith. I was always told that we could move back at any time. Well, this isn’t true when you have children and there are jurisdiction issues. These aren’t things you think about when you’re getting married.
So, I used to tell people that I was only in Australia for the kids. I don’t necessarily feel this way now, but this was certainly the case during the divorce process.
Part of the tentative parenting agreement was to share time during the school holidays. In Australia the schedule is year-round schooling with a longer holiday over the summer/Christmas period and 2 weeks each about every 3 months.
One summer, after I had already moved out of the marital home, the kids’ father asked to have them for about 5 days so they could do a road trip together. I was fine with that. Then, suddenly I realized I would not have the kids for almost a week, and it immediately felt so ludicrous that I would be in Australia when I didn’t have them.
Now, my brain is trained to look at whatever situation I am in and ask, “What can I do with this?”
Five days was a lot of days, and my first thought was that I should go somewhere. But Australia is far from everything so a trip back home to California was out of the question. Somewhat closer was Asia. I had never been there because every trip since we relocated to Australia was dedicated to going back and visiting family in the states. I look back at those days and think about how homesick I must have been.
After studying some maps and searching online I finally decided that Singapore would be a great place for me to spend those 5 days. I had heard a lot of great things about it and about how it’s a spectacularly safe place particularly for women to solo travel.
Maybe one day I’ll share more about my experiences in Singapore, but that’s not what this blog post is about. This trip to Singapore started what has been a regular fixture of solo travel during the school holidays for me during the times that the kids are with their dad for their prescribed time.
Why You Should Consider Solo Travel as Divorced Woman
Experiencing a Newfound Sense of Freedom
Particularly if you have had a family and are used to traveling in a group, you will be amazed at how much freedom you have on your own when you’re not compromising on places and choose the exact itinerary and pace that you want.
Traveling solo is a selfish act, in the best way possible. You only need to pay for one airfare, and you have someone to watch the kids (their other parent they need to spend time with anyway…win-win.)
Having the Opportunity to Have Others Look After You
When it came to going away, I took advantage of the fact that I was removing myself from my day-to-day life and visited places where I could feel pampered and cared for. In new cities I would book tours so that someone else could plan the itinerary and all I needed to do was follow along. Rather than having my head buried in a map I could follow someone’s lead and learn local information I might not otherwise have gotten. It was also a good way to meet others and socialize on my solo trips.
Things to Consider as a Solo Traveler
Safety While Traveling as a Solo Female
As I mentioned before, my first solo trip was to Singapore because of its reputation as a very safe place to visit. But there are some practices that are good to follow in general. For example, not having your keycard in the sleeve with your hotel key that identifies your room. Rather, take a piece of stationery from the room of the hotel if you need to remember the address. Also, although you might be excited to share what you are doing with others, it’s not a great idea to post photos or videos immediately to give away your location. I would often post things when I was already back home. Doing some research about your chosen destination ahead of time for cultural differences and hiccups other travelers might have experienced can go a long way toward keeping your trip safe and enjoyable.
Use Some Discretion While You’re Away
Speaking of posting things online, it’s probably not a good idea to flaunt your travels on social media, especially if they are extravagant because these things might make their way into court. To be honest, in real life, you shouldn’t feel like you have to answer to anyone, but this is the way things are when you are under the scrutiny of the courts and an adversarial ex-partner. You wouldn’t want to be bothered having to explain yourself over something that was taken out of context.
How to Get the Most Out of Your Solo Travel
Think About What Kind of Experience You want to Have
Are you going away because you want a relaxing retreat? Do you want to immerse yourself in another culture? Do you want an escape from all the stresses that are present in your everyday life? For me, travel has represented freedom and is a time and space to reflect on and reconnect with my authentic self. I always look for a room with a tub and a food tour.
Recognize It’s Okay If Being by Yourself Feels Confronting
Maybe this is the first time you are traveling by yourself. There could be moments where you see other couples or groups of friends out while on your travels and that may spark some loneliness. It’s totally okay to feel this way. I am someone who loves solitude, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes feel a sense of grief and loneliness on my travels even when they are amazing. I have had extremely cathartic moments of crying in spectacular locations (which added a memorable drama) but I was glad to have been able to express those emotions to myself and accept them. Sometimes getting away can provide you with the gift of being free to acknowledge your own feelings without the judgement of others around.
Gift Yourself a Soft Landing When You Get Back Home
Space your time out and prepare so you aren’t rushing from one place to the next and need a holiday from the holiday you just had. This can start even before you go away if you make sure you leave a clean home, do all your laundry, clear the fridge, and leave everything tidy before you leave. When you get home, you can simply unpack, start a load of laundry and perhaps go to the grocery store and feel renewed for the next coming months.
Being able to travel to different places has been freeing in a way that I hadn’t expected. I have been in the process of visiting places I never thought I would be able to see because married life didn’t have room for that. One of the best things it did for me was remind me that there is a much bigger world than the current one I was living in and it has given me a sense that I could make my own life suited to however I chose to live. In many ways, travel is like having little test runs of different types of lives.
Whatever shape or form travel is available to you I hope you take the chance.