How to Build a Community around you
These days it seems we have to be more thoughtful about creating community around us, here are some ideas that I’ve used to start over in a new place.
If you happen to live near the place where you were raised you probably have family, school friends and a well-established network of people who you are at least acquainted with. For someone like me, who moved from overseas and worked from home with their spouse, the ability to build relationships with other people was limited.
A divorce made this living situation even more isolating.
When I became a single parent and decided that I’d stay in my adopted home country I knew that I needed to get to the business of creating a community and finding people that I could connect with. This is no small feat. It’s really intimidating to try and make friends when you’re already an adult.
There are the normal channels, like the parent friends that you make if your child goes to school but sometimes just having children isn’t enough of a connection to see eye to eye with people.
Here are five things I’ve learned as I’ve been gradually building my community from scratch:
1. I’ve become more open to just having acquaintances
Not everyone is meant to be your best friend, but we can still be cordial and thoughtful to them. At one point, each of your close friends was someone you had just met. A true friendship and bond builds over time. In the meantime, it’s nice to be friendly with neighbors and those that you might see on a regular basis. The familiarity and kindness is nice in general to be around and it feels good to know that your community is made of up these type of people.
2. Going back to school helped me meet more people
I’m not suggesting you take on a heap of student loan debt to meet people but if you ever find yourself in a position where you are enrolled in a course or something similar, try to do it in person and think about connecting with these people who have at least this one thing in common with you.
3. Stay open to friends of all ages
We can learn so much from those that are younger and older than us. They probably also appreciate your experience and point of view as well.
4. Say hi to your neighbors
For the most part, I’m a person who enjoys the solitude of my home and I wouldn’t necessarily prefer a neighbor like the ones in the older TV show ‘Desperate Housewives’ that is always in my business. However, I do say hi to my neighbors and hopefully if anything ever happened I could ask for help or do a favor for them.
I’ve actually had both happen in the recent past with different neighbors. One noticed that my car wasn’t turning over when I tried to start it and stepped in to give me a jump. I thought that was kind of him to look out for me. The other time recently was when I helped a neighbor who had been locked out of her unit. She knocked on my door and I was able to call the property manager for her. It was a small gesture, and I was glad I was there for her to help.
Moments like these are a welcome reminder that we aren’t alone.
5. Start treating everyone you come into contact with like a neighbor
Even when you are at the shops at a different part of your city, start treating people like they live near you. There’s a reason why people from small towns have such good manners, they know that they can’t be on bad behavior. It will have repercussions on their reputation.
It’s not a surprise that most of these ideas revolve around the idea of being neighborly if you want to build a community around you. You look out for others, and they’ll probably look out for you. We can’t do everything alone, even if we try. And trust me, I’ve tried.
There is a sense of generosity and reciprocity that is required throughout life. It’s not transactional and no one is keeping score, but you know when it feels ‘off.’
Of course, it does make sense in this day and age to use caution when getting to know people, but you can build on little interactions over time. I hope some of these ideas help you to stay community-minded and help you create a supportive system around you.