How Do I Find a Good Divorce Lawyer?

This past weekend I caught up with my divorce lawyer/friend who I hadn’t seen in a year. We had a long, leisurely dinner and she had a chance to see my children who had grown up so much since she first took on my case.

It’s a gift to meet and work with people who are genuine and caring. I’ve come across so many articles talking about how you should try to avoid using a divorce lawyer because they’re only in it for the money and will be unscrupulous about overcharging for everything. I actually did witness this type of behaviour first-hand during my divorce proceedings… but from the other side.

In contrast, the relationship that I had with my lawyer couldn’t be further from the harsh stereotypes you hear about all the time.

I had vetted at least 4 other well-respected lawyers, but my choice came down to who I was the most comfortable with, had a similar style doing things, and understood the heart of the matter rather than simply trying to accomplish an outcome by any means necessary.

Finding her was what I consider to be the single-luckiest thing to happen to me throughout the process and the first truly ‘grown-up’ decision I’ve ever made. It was an incredible confidence-builder.

Meanwhile, the ex was floundering with a parade of no less than 5 different lawyers during the same period. We couldn’t keep track. And that’s not a knock, it’s just what it was.

So how did I harness this luck in finding a legal professional to work with?

Here’s what I did:

ASK AROUND FOR A REFERRAL

I had a friend who was in the legal community, and although it wasn’t her area of practice, she knew others practicing in the family court and which names were the most respected. I was lucky in this respect, and I know not everyone has this connection.

I also did some searching for a lawyer in California and that was purely from family and friend referral. My case took place in Australia so I didn’t need to engage the U.S. lawyer but upon meeting I knew he would have been an excellent choice if I had to go that route.

A referral is preferred to a cold search where you are sorting through a myriad of ads or names on Google.

Talk to people you know who have been through the process before if they were really satisfied with their lawyer. People who you know that have good judgement about things tend to also stick with people who are like-minded, and those connections can be invaluable.

MEET WITH SEVERAL PEOPLE FIRST

It does cost money to do those initial consultations, I don’t take this lightly. But the information you can gather during these meetings is valuable even if you don’t end up working with that specific lawyer. It’s often the first time you get a real sense of which way the wind might blow in your case. You may get a lot of anecdotal stories about how your divorce outcome might look like based on other people, but an actual divorce attorney is much more knowledgeable about how your unique circumstances might play out in court.

With that being said, their ability to advise on the case is greatly impacted by how thoroughly and accurately convey the circumstances of your situation so….

COME PREPARED

If you’re forking out possibly hundreds of dollars for an hour of consultation you want to make the most of your time.

I had typed up my whole story and created something similar to an organizational chart for our family so the lawyer could see the entire context. There were bullet points of background information that I thought would be important to cover.

I wrote down what I was looking for as an outcome

I wrote down any questions that I had for them

An hour consultation will go by very quickly. You want to make sure you get a chance to say everything that you wanted to.

And, while all of this is happening and you’re getting through the factual stuff you’ll also want to…

OBSERVE HOW YOU FEEL AROUND THEM

This is someone that you might be spending significant time interacting with for the next couple of years.

So, when I met with each of the lawyers it was clear to me why I was given their names. All of them had an incredible intellect and understanding of the law. And yet the possible courses of action they had begun to suggest for me were not always in the style that I would do things.

For example, one of them, suggested that I might achieve my desired overseas relocation of the children by getting email consent (by playing happy families) to go ahead and move back with the kids to the states and then file for divorce from there. It was kind of a genius plan, probably more suitable for a situation where the wife and kids are in actual danger, but it wasn’t the right strategy for me.

It was one of the ways that I could tell this person wasn’t the correct fit for what I needed in my case.

CHOOSE BASED ON YOUR VALUES

I ended up choosing a female solicitor who I felt really understood me and led with a lot of humanity.

Part of what put me over the line in making this choice was that I was looking for someone who would know what to do even when I was over it all. This happened for a brief moment in year 3. When I was mentally exhausted, I was glad I could trust her judgment and advice because she understood the bigger picture.

I knew exactly what my goals were, I just needed someone who could help me through the legal system to accomplish it.

The right lawyer is the one that you feel the most comfortable advocating for you. It’s not always the most well-known or flashiest person. Ultimately, you’re the one who will have to live with whatever decisions are made and you’ll feel better about them if you partner with someone who shares your same values.