Handling Ongoing Co-Parent Responsibilities After Divorce

Strategies for School Fees, Medical Decisions, and More

Co-parenting after a divorce comes with challenges that require balancing fairness, practicality, and the well-being of your children. It’s rarely a perfect system, but with careful thought, you can make decisions that prioritize your kids’ needs while preserving your own sanity.

Here’s are what some of my co-parenting responsibilities have looked like - from school fees to medical decisions, and why I’ve approached these situations the way I have.

1. Managing School Fees: A Balancing Act of Fairness and Practicality

At my children’s school, only one parent can receive the invoice for fees. While I could have shifted this responsibility to my ex-husband, it would have made him the primary point of contact for the school. That wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.

Why? Because school fees weren’t a priority for him during our divorce, and I had little confidence they’d be paid on time. I didn’t want my children to miss out on excursions, activities, or resources like computer borrowing due to delayed payments.

In the end, I decided it was better for me to remain the primary parent in charge of fees and communication, even if it wasn’t the most “fair” solution. For me, this decision was about ensuring stability for the kids, even if it meant shouldering more responsibility.

Key Takeaway: Sometimes, fairness takes a backseat to practicality and the children’s needs.

2. Everyday Expenses: Choosing Peace Over Conflict

I’ve often approached everyday expenses as a single parent. I don’t receive child support, and while there was a time I fought for it, the stress and inconsistency weren’t worth it for me in the long run.

Instead, I’ve chosen to cover the day-to-day costs myself and consider it part of maintaining my mental well-being. When the kids are with their dad, he handles their living expenses, which I see as a fair trade-off.

It’s not a perfect solution, but it allows me to focus on other parts of my life.

Key Takeaway: Pick your battles. Sometimes letting go of a fight can bring more peace than holding on to it.

3. Medical Decisions: Clear Communication

For medical care, my ex and I have established a system that works. We text each other about illnesses, vaccines, and treatments to keep each other in the loop. We’ve generally agreed on most medical decisions, which is fortunate.

When it comes to routine appointments, we each pay for the visits we arrange. For larger expenses, like potential orthodontic care, I’ve discussed sharing costs, and he’s been agreeable.

Key Takeaway: Open communication and picking your battles—like when to share costs—can preserve a healthy co-parenting relationship.

4. Passports and Travel: Prioritizing What Matters Most

When it came to getting our kids passports and organizing international travel to visit family, I knew this was something I wanted for them. Since it wasn’t a priority for my ex, I accepted that I’d have to cover the costs myself.

It wasn’t “fair,” but it was worth it to me. In situations like these, I’ve learned to focus on what’s important to me and let go of resentment about unequal contributions.

Key Takeaway: If something is a priority for you and not for your co-parent, it might be worth taking the lead to make it happen.

5. Preserving a Workable Co-Parenting Relationship

Above all, my goal has been to maintain a co-parenting dynamic that prioritizes the kids’ well-being. I’ve learned to weigh the importance of each issue and decide whether it’s worth escalating.

For smaller issues, I’ve often chosen compromise or acceptance. For bigger issues, like orthodontic payments, I’m willing to discuss and, if necessary, escalate.

Key Takeaway: Not every issue needs to be a battle. Consider the long-term impact before deciding how to handle a conflict.

Final Thoughts About Co-parenting Responsibilities: Building Your Own Life for Your Family

I am aware that this blog post makes me look like a pushover when it comes to sharing financial responsibility for our kids. Not long ago I was having a social dinner with my lawyer and we talked about how the post-divorce era with kids ends up being a matter of what you’re willing to tolerate so that you can have some autonomy.

Co-parenting after divorce isn’t always fair or easy, but every challenge is an opportunity to make thoughtful decisions for your family. More than anything, these experiences have reinforced how grateful I am to be building a life separate from that past relationship.

By focusing on what you can control, maintaining clear communication, and choosing peace over unnecessary conflict, you can create a co-parenting arrangement that works for everyone—especially your kids.