What to do During the First Month After a Breakup
I’ve experienced breakups that ended in one clean break and others that dragged on through rounds of back and forth. The latter, in my experience, is far more grueling. When there’s even a crack in the door to reconciliation, it’s easy to stay stuck in a cycle of hope and heartbreak. That lingering “what if” can prolong the misery, keeping you tethered to a relationship that may no longer be serving you.
If I could go back and do it differently…
I would give myself a solid month of solitude before even considering a reconciliation. Time and distance can offer clarity that’s impossible to see when you’re caught in the emotional fog of a breakup. That pause would have helped me recognize that I was better off steering clear of relationships that felt inherently difficult. It would have saved me several rounds of breakups if I had taken this approach.
Being in the early days of a breakup can feel so overwhelming. I wrote about what I tend to do during the first three days of a breakup in another blog post because I noticed that those first few days are extremely difficult. I don’t get much of anything done except for taking care of myself. But once you’re past that, then what?
I wanted to share a few ideas of how to occupy the first 30 days or so after your breakup so that you emerge on the other side in good condition.
It’s impossible to know how long it might take to really unpack what happened to your relationship (particularly if it was a long-term one) but there are things you can do to lessen the blow of this big change.
Put away things that remind you of them
I recently started watching The Gilmore Girls and in the early seasons when Rory has her first heartbreak she asks her mother, Lorelai, to throw away a box of items that all remind her of the ex-boyfriend. Later, you learn Lorelai never threw the box away because, in her wisdom, she understood that some of the items might be meaningful once the sting of the initial breakup ended. I encourage you to employ this same method with any keepsakes.
In the first days and weeks of a breakup, if everything already reminds you of the person, it might be a good idea to put that stimulus aside for the moment. It is true that you may eventually have to coexist with those things. But right now, it can be extra cruel to expose yourself so much when it’s not necessary.
With that being said, this also isn’t the time to make rash decisions. Yes those keepsakes hold memories of your ex, but they also hold memories of you at this time that you may genuinely wish you had in the future. In other words, best not to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Create new habits for your newly single self
One of the hardest aspects of a breakup is breaking the habits you built with your partner. They’re no longer the person you text with random updates throughout the day or call when something reminds you of them. That absence creates a void, and it’s tempting to fill it by reaching out to them or trying to replace the connection. But this is your opportunity to build new habits—ones that serve your growth, not your heartbreak.
Step back and slow down
One of the best things you can do for yourself when you’re healing from a breakup is to scale back. Simplify your to-do list and give yourself permission to do the bare minimum. You don’t need to be overly productive or dive headfirst into a new project. Right now, focus on rest and small, manageable tasks.
This is a great time to identify what feels comforting. Do you have a movie that always lifts your spirits? (Legally Blonde fans, anyone?) The iconic scene where Elle Woods hurls chocolates at her TV while wallowing in her heartbreak is a reminder that even in our lowest moments, we can find resilience.
Let yourself feel what you need to feel without judgment. Whether it’s sadness, anger, or numbness, these emotions are part of the healing process. The only thing to avoid is seeking out your ex for comfort or closure—trust me, you won’t find the healing you need there.
Take care of the basics
When heartbreak feels all-consuming, it’s easy to forget basic self-care. But nurturing your body is essential during this time. Make an effort to eat nutritious meals, drink plenty of water, and get enough sleep. Physical activity, even if it’s just a short walk, can do wonders for your mood and energy levels.
If you find yourself stuck in loops of overthinking or regret, grounding yourself in the present can help. Reading fiction is a great escape—there’s something uniquely soothing about getting lost in someone else’s world for a while. Or try meditation, even if it’s just for five minutes a day. This simple practice can help interrupt negative thought spirals and give you a moment of peace.
Embrace the solitude
It’s tempting to fill the void with distractions, whether that’s constant socializing or seeking out someone new. But this period of solitude has lessons to teach you if you’re willing to listen. Breakups can highlight what wasn’t working, not just in your relationship but in your own habits and patterns.
Try to spend some time reflecting on what you’ve learned. Journaling, drawing, or any form of creative expression can be incredibly therapeutic. Therapy is another powerful tool, but don’t feel pressured to put everything into words right away. Sometimes, emotions are better processed through movement, art, or quiet reflection.
And don’t worry about reaching out to your ex. If you’re tempted to text, remind yourself why the relationship ended. Even if it feels amicable, a period of no contact—at least 30 days—can help you gain clarity and avoid re-opening wounds.
Rediscover and focus on yourself
Breakups are an opportunity to rediscover the person you were before—and maybe even reinvent yourself. Interrupt your usual routines, try something new, and build habits that align with the life you want to create. Start small, whether it’s taking a different route to work or signing up for a class you’ve always been curious about.
This is also the perfect time to reconnect with hobbies or interests that took a backseat in your relationship. Do you love painting, dancing, or baking? Revisit those activities, even if they feel rusty or unfamiliar at first. Each small step toward rediscovery is a step away from heartbreak and toward wholeness.
A Final Word of Encouragement
The first month after a breakup can be an emotionally tumultuous time in your life. You might feel tempted to distract yourself with someone new, sink into despair, or race to "fix" how you’re feeling. But this distinct period offers an incredible opportunity to reconnect with yourself and grow, even when it feels impossible to move forward.
You won’t always feel the way you do now. One day, you’ll look back and wonder why you were so caught up in someone who wasn’t the right fit for you. For now, though, be kind to yourself. Take breaks, grieve what you’ve lost, and celebrate small victories, like making it through a tough day.
Remember: healing isn’t linear. There will be days when you feel lighter and days when it feels like you’re back at square one. That’s okay. Each day is an opportunity to nurture yourself and build a life that feels good without the weight of your past relationship.
Planning your next 30 days after a breakup
Now that you’re equipped with some general guidance, here’s a practical 30-day plan to help you navigate the first month of your breakup. Use this list as a roadmap to healing one day at a time.
What to do during the first month of your breakup: A day-by-day guide
Breaking up is undeniably hard. While it’s tempting to rush past the pain or fill the void with distractions, there’s power in embracing this unique season for growth and healing. The first 30 days post-breakup can set the tone for your recovery and even help you rediscover parts of yourself you may have lost in the relationship. Here's a day-by-day guide filled with actionable steps to nurture yourself, process your emotions, and rebuild.
Days 1–3: Survival Mode
(If you haven’t read the article on the first three days of a breakup, start there!)
Day 1: Accept the discomfort. This is the hardest day, so focus on small wins. Make your bed, shower, and eat something nutritious. Then, let yourself cry, scream into a pillow, or journal it out.
Day 2: Treat yourself gently. Watch your comfort movie (I recommend Legally Blonde for its triumphant energy). Do just the bare minimum to get through the day and remind yourself this is temporary.
Day 3: Scale back obligations. Cancel plans, if you need to, and take a nap. Take a short walk if you can manage it. Begin writing down how you’re feeling to release pent-up emotions.
Days 4–10: Finding Your Footing
Day 4: Mute your ex on social media rather than unfollowing (if it was amicable). Start a gratitude journal to shift your focus toward positives, even if they feel small.
Day 5: Try meditation. A short, guided session can help center your mind and interrupt the loop of obsessive thoughts about your ex.
Day 6: Move your body. Dance in your room, go for a run, or do yoga. Physical activity is proven to boost mood, even if it’s the last thing you want to do.
Day 7: Declutter your space. Letting go of items tied to your relationship can be cathartic. You don’t have to throw them away—just put them out of sight for now.
Day 8: Plan an indulgent solo meal. Whether it’s your favourite takeaway or a meal you cook, savor this moment of treating yourself.
Day 9: Read a novel. Escaping into a fictional world can give your mind a much-needed break. Choose something lighthearted or inspiring.
Day 10: Write down all the reasons the relationship ended. Keep this list as a reality check when nostalgia hits.
Days 11–20: Embracing New Beginnings
Day 11: Unplug for a few hours. Put your phone in another room and spend the time reconnecting with hobbies or trying something creative like painting or baking.
Day 12: Explore your city like a tourist. Visit a park, museum, or café you’ve never been to.
Day 13: Start a 30-day challenge. It could be anything—daily walks, journaling, or trying a new recipe each day. Building momentum feels empowering.
Day 14: Call a trusted friend or family member. Vent, laugh, and let yourself feel supported.
Day 15: Listen to a podcast or audiobook about personal growth. Something uplifting can provide perspective and hope.
Day 16: Begin practicing affirmations. Write down phrases like “I am resilient” or “I deserve healthy love” and repeat them to yourself daily.
Day 17: Take yourself out for a coffee or dessert. Being comfortable solo is a powerful skill.
Day 18: Rearrange your living space. A small change, like moving furniture or adding plants, can refresh your energy.
Day 19: Revisit an old passion. Maybe it’s sketching, playing an instrument, or baking. Rekindle something that makes you feel like you.
Day 20: Take a long bath or indulge in a home spa night. Pampering yourself reminds you that you’re worth the care.
Days 21–30: Building Momentum
Day 21: Write down quotes that resonate with you. Keep them visible for inspiration on tough days.
Day 22: Volunteer or do something kind for others. Shifting focus outward can be healing.
Day 23: Create a playlist of empowering songs that make you feel strong and independent. Dance to it.
Day 24: Start exploring future goals. What do you want to achieve in the next six months? Dream big.
Day 25: Learn something new—whether it’s a skill, language, or recipe. Growth is a powerful distraction.
Day 26: Go for a nature walk. Spending time outdoors can ease anxiety and boost your mood.
Day 27: Write a letter to your ex that you don’t send. Say everything you need to, then rip it up.
Day 28: Celebrate small wins. Reflect on the progress you’ve made this month, no matter how small it feels.
Day 29: Try something bold, like signing up for a class, dyeing your hair, or redecorating.
Day 30: Journal about how you feel today compared to Day 1. Acknowledge the strength it took to get here.
Final Thoughts
The first month after a breakup is a whirlwind of emotions, but it’s also a chance to rediscover yourself. Be patient, embrace the discomfort, and trust that each day brings you closer to healing. By focusing on nurturing and distracting yourself in healthy ways, you’re building a foundation for a brighter future. Remember, you’ve got this. 💛